Eye of the Storm// Perfect Hurricane

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You ever sit back and watch your surroundings and wonder why the rain never stops, but then a shift happens... You know all of a sudden peace overtakes you in a way that you think the storm is over but truthfully you just made it to the center of the storm... Well recently, I think I found my peace in the midst of the storm.. or am I just in a Perfect Hurricane...

See I have been going through HELL and I mean literally HELL mentally because I have been processing emotions that I did not even realize that I felt. But everything started bubbling up to the surface because I was faced with some real truths in my family that I never thought about, but in that process it put a microscope in my household.

So many things started to surface that I legit never thought bothered me but as I started to process deeper, longer, and be real with myself I found that I have been in denial for many years. I have made it seem like what everyone else wanted was okay and that my feelings did not matter anymore. But honestly I have been hurting inside and now I can no longer hide it.

I have been crying about so much that it's crazy; hurts from during my pregnancy have resurface and has caused me to process them in a way that I never thought of doing; the years of my depression has resurfaced as well and it has shown me that what I am going through now is similar to what I went through before. This feeling has me feeling TRAPPED, PARALYZED, and even worse like DEATH. Crazy thing is I know the signs of this and I truly ignored a lot of it because I thought that maybe I was going to be able to not allow it to happen or maybe I was just being paranoid.

Welp.. here I am trying to get myself from losing myself, my mind, and everything I worked hard on undoing. SO...

I have been fighting this my own way and now I have to be real that the hurt has taken over everything in me because this hurt is all over my everyday. I am literally going through a type of HURT I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I literally stay trying not to drown from all that I am processing.

But until next time, I will be #SurvivingLife

-Jess Lore'al

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