My Journey #LivingWhileSurvivingLife

2021 is coming to a close and as I sit here I am realizing that so much has happened in this year. I have faced so much, overcame so much, and even healed from so much. It is crazy how the year goes by so fast and so many things happen that you seem to forget about; I feel like I have so much that I want to reflect on from this past year.  My year started off kind of rough because I was mentally dealing with a lot and trying to deny that I was going through a lot. I literally was starting my last semester in my Bachelors and getting ready to check off one of my big accomplishments. I was doing this all while I am dealing with my mental health being in the worst place ever.  I graduated from DeVry with my Bachelors and I should have been so excited but for some reason I was not as excited as other people were for me. It honestly was a huge moment in my life because I have been dreaming of graduating from college for years. I spent years working towards this, but for some reason...

I literally HATE being vulnerable and I say that in the most humblest way possible. I have been trying so hard to do better with this vulnerability thing, so I thought today I would do something I try so hard to avoid; talking about my insecurities.  I honestly never really noticed that I had this many insecurities until I started feeling someone new in my life. I mean truthfully I did not realized that I was this insecure but let's talk about it. I really fear getting hurt on so many levels, I fear that I will scare someone off because I am so sensitive, and I also fear trusting someone with my heart.  I am so insecure about my looks, my intelligence, my emotions, and giving my all to someone and being played. I know a lot of you are probably reading and thinking what in the world, but this is my reality. I sit back and think nothing but negative things about myself especially when I am attractive to someone that is amazing and has all these wonderful things going for themsel...

So much has gone on in the last few days, it's like I have been going through a world wind of a lot of thoughts and revelations. It's crazy how in the most craziest of storms, the eye of it is the quietest and brings the most clarity. Lately, I have been getting so much clarity on who is for, who is against, and who is truly my friend.  I have seen so many people expose themselves one by one with doing the dumbest thing and it's really hurtful that people think that I am someone that they can repeatedly hurt; it's like I am naive because in the same setting I always end up forgiving people and allowing them to do the same things over again. I recently had a real big eye opening experience that made me finally take a look at myself and those around me. I have really cried over many people that have spit on my name, talked about me behind my back, through things back in my face when I have confided in them, and then also used me; but I would always take them back and forg...

I feel like I truly hide so much from people now a days because I truly hate to have conversations; but actually I have some serious insecurities and fears which is why I do not talk. I keep everything to myself because I find it to be easier, I really do not like to be vulnerable with people. i do not know why it is so much easier to write out things than to say them to someone but most of my life I have only been able to express my everything through writing.  So these past few weeks in my black hole, I have been realizing more and more about my insecurities and how I have so many fears that people know nothing about. I really feel that I have gotten into a place that I have been able to mask everything from people, but I have some people in my life that can actually see right through me and my masks. Masking has become second nature to me that sometimes I do not even know that I am doing it, until I realize that I do not know how to get deeper with people or allow people to get ...

If you read the title you know exactly where my head has been for the past few days, well actually weeks. I have been in a space that has been hella dark and I did not know if I was going to make it out alive. This might be one blog, that will give insight into why I started doing the blogs in the first place. So I had been on a downward slope for some time and I was really trying not to get into that depress state of mind but I find that when I avoid my feelings and what I am dealing with my depression will hit me like an eighteen wheeler. I have no way of survival from the ultimate depressive state that came my way. I am about to explain everything that went on from beginning to now, so here goes some transparency. I had just come home from my sorority trip, and I was truly on a high because I had a lot of fun with my sisters. But what I did not know is that soon after that I would be hit with somethings that would cause my mental to be drained and I would want to give up on everythi...

 I feel so back in my element with writing in this blog again, because I have missed writing out my thoughts and emotions. But I guess it's been hard to find the time to do that with being a mom, working, school, and dealing with my mental health. Yes I said dealing with my Mental Health, I have been on a roller coaster ride of emotions truthfully, for the last year and I think now is the time to just let it all out. I mean I do not know if you guys are ready for this unload but here it goes. Here we go: So as all know I moved back to Houston in October 2020 and I have been really trying to focus on getting my things together for me and my daughter. I have been in school and doing what I need to do so that I can say a float but MAN.. did I forget how hard it is to maintain my mental health while functioning through life.  I completely lost myself in so many things around me that I am now finding me and I am getting back to what I do best; WRITE! I feel that when I go through I...