Target on My Red Eye

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So much has gone on in the last few days, it's like I have been going through a world wind of a lot of thoughts and revelations. It's crazy how in the most craziest of storms, the eye of it is the quietest and brings the most clarity. Lately, I have been getting so much clarity on who is for, who is against, and who is truly my friend. 

I have seen so many people expose themselves one by one with doing the dumbest thing and it's really hurtful that people think that I am someone that they can repeatedly hurt; it's like I am naive because in the same setting I always end up forgiving people and allowing them to do the same things over again. I recently had a real big eye opening experience that made me finally take a look at myself and those around me.

I have really cried over many people that have spit on my name, talked about me behind my back, through things back in my face when I have confided in them, and then also used me; but I would always take them back and forgive wholeheartedly then get that same treatment again. Age 33, I went through HELL in my life, Age 34 I am healing from all the HELL I went through, and when I turn 35 I'm really daring someone to try me. 

You see, I have been through a lot of friend hurt and friend trauma; where now I am seeing that my 3rd eye has been exposing everything to me in the weirdest time. I have been in the darkest place and in this place because I am still, I have been seeing, noticing, and listening to things more clearly that's when I started to slowly but surly allow people that want to leave, leave. 

I have held on to so many toxic people, which in retrospect is why I have been such a negative person towards myself and life. I started to believe the words that people projected about me to others and to me in their jokes, but serious manor. I found out that so many people secretly disliked me, I started noticing how people were only using me to their advantage, and playing victim when I would come to confront them. 

When I saw this awakening I felt the shifts happening and it's funny because then I started to be more private about my movements and only express my emotions when needed. With some, it has been well received, but with others it has been rejected and the become victims or they make me it obvious they never truly cared about me. 

I am very excited about this awakening, but I am also now very aware that there is a target on it because I am reclaiming my IDENTITY, my VOICE, and my TRUTH. I am realizing how powerful I am through my journey, my healing, and my understanding; many hate but that's okay with me now because I no longer care to please anyone but MYSELF.

But as you know, there's always more that I will discover on my journey #SurvivingLife

-Jess Lore'al

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