My Truth: Insecurities

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I literally HATE being vulnerable and I say that in the most humblest way possible. I have been trying so hard to do better with this vulnerability thing, so I thought today I would do something I try so hard to avoid; talking about my insecurities. 

I honestly never really noticed that I had this many insecurities until I started feeling someone new in my life. I mean truthfully I did not realized that I was this insecure but let's talk about it. I really fear getting hurt on so many levels, I fear that I will scare someone off because I am so sensitive, and I also fear trusting someone with my heart. 

I am so insecure about my looks, my intelligence, my emotions, and giving my all to someone and being played. I know a lot of you are probably reading and thinking what in the world, but this is my reality. I sit back and think nothing but negative things about myself especially when I am attractive to someone that is amazing and has all these wonderful things going for themselves; I start to think that I am unworthy (See another insecurity of mine). 

I could never explain to you why I am so insecure but I am .... I think that I don't deserve love, I don't deserve someone that is amazing, I don't feel worthy of that because I feel that I am not amazing. I do not know how my insecurities got so big and how I ended up becoming so fearful that I run from things and the person that I truly want. 

My insecurities end up hurting me worse than anything else in my life truthfully. I find that I miss out on the things I want because I lose faith in me and the person that I am to be able to get what I deserve and want. I end up heartbroken, alone, and in the worse place mentally. Insecurities are the worse and mine seem to be something I am really over dealing with.

But you know, I'm learning on my journey #SurvivingLife

-Jess Lore'al

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