My Journey #LivingWhileSurvivingLife

Disclaimer: All that will be shared does not mean this is my here and now, but it is some realness about me that I am finally ready to talk about...  Talking has always been something I have been afraid of because in most cases it never really helped me for the better, I mean in most cases it made me feel worse (until recent years). I am being told that I should talk more because it really is a good thing to do, but in my mind I still feel what good is it doing me; I am going to try it right now, talk openly and freely about things I am processing in this moment and time. I wrote about Toxic Love and how I realized that I was giving myself Toxic Love so I am just as bad as everyone else in my life; in my head all day today I have been processing the thoughts that one blog triggered. All the things that popped up in my mind I never really thought back on and its more so because I did not want to admit that deep inside I am angry with myself for so many different things. Its like my ...

So I had the most emotionally awakening weekends and that brought me to my definition/fear of love and being loved. I never realized until now that how I view love is tied into the daddy issues I have. Its crazy though how this was pointed out in the midst of me finally allowing myself to see him as a person and releasing the emotions on top of cutting ties. Love that I have received in my life has come with a lot of conditions, like people loved me with conditions on it and it was like the person I am was not good enough for them. There were times that I would change everything about me for the people around me to receive their love or accept the different type of (what I now know) abuse from them because I craved love. I am a really sensitive person I realized lately, I really do not like talking about my emotions or being vulnerable but tonight I feel I gotta get this out of my brain so here goes nothing... I crave to be loved in a manner that I had never experienced, crazy thing is...