My Journey #LivingWhileSurvivingLife

I woke up today and I had this thought process of why do people try to rush their healing process.. Like why do people think that there is a time limit on healing? And I am not just talking about regular healing, but I mean like grieving healing and healing from trauma.. I mean I have my own thoughts about healing as a whole and in parts, because I have had to do my own healing in life and there are somethings I know that I am still healing from. But in my mind, I sometimes find myself getting upset that I am still dealing with a hurt or I'm grieving my granny. For some context, my great grandmother passed away in 2011 and from that moment until now I have not seen life the same. Losing my granny, then a year later my great aunt my heart broke and my mental took a spiral; but inside I find myself upset that I am still dealing with this hurt. Sigh..  I do not know why but I think people have given so much grief on the fact that it's been 13 years, you should be over that and hav...

Man.. it's literally 3 days from Christmas and I do not know if I am even feeling it at this moment. I mean I love this holiday more than anything because I love giving gifts and seeing people smiling so big and bright..even them feeling the love because you have thought about them.. BUT I am not feeling that love right now, in some aspects not all. Maybe I need to process... let's do that... Christmas for me is a family holiday... it's one of those holidays where you decorate the tree together and then go look at Christmas lights; but this year it feels more like just another day nothing more and nothing less. I have really been noticing that this year, no holiday was special to me... I do not know if it was because I am no longer working or because it's this transition I'm going through in life. Ugh this transition.... I turned an odd number this year and I'm really hating when I turn odd numbers because weird things happen on those years. If you need examples...

You are probably like, "Why would she name this that?" Well because in my mind, I think about what the biggest lie is and to my non surprise that lie is "I'm okay"... Like honestly think about how many times you tell a person "I'm okay" when honestly you are nowhere near okay. So let's talk about it and how it relates to my right now..... So I will be honest, I am very prone to telling people "I'm okay", even when I do not even know how to locate okay or where it originates from. I have been broken and I mean really broken up inside, but if someone asks "I'm okay".. why do we do this as people? Why do we feel that we do not need people or that we need to act like we are stronger than we are? I cannot answer for others but I can answer for myself.  In life, we have people that are family that we do not choose and we have people that we do get to choose which is the friends or family we create. Well in the process of g...

 I know y'all probably looking at the title like you writing about HIM again, but hey this is my blog and my process... so yes I am writing about HIM again.. I know the last post I talked about the safe feeling I get from HIM, but honestly it's more to it than just feeling safe. I know y'all are looking at this like you make this sound so perfect like you have not felt any pain from this person; but if I say that I would be lying. So I am going to talk about how I knew HIM is the one for me and why truthfully, I only see the good. In life you have relationships and people that you can move on and live without; but then there are the ones you cannot live without. So HIM is that person, I KNOW I cannot live without... Yes I know because with everything that we have faced together and apart, this has still been my source of peace. In the midst of the chaos, I had to silence everyone around me because sometimes you will think that people have your best interest but truthfully t...

Trying to process while emotional is something that I do not suggest anyone to do, but yeah here I am doing it because guess what... this is all I know to do... So let's get into what's in my head... I did not really get much sleep last night and I honestly started crying today because I am honestly drained and I mean really drained. I feel like everyone is pulling from me and I have nothing left to give, like nothing I can support with or even pour from. I literally give and give of myself until I have nothing.. but then somehow I still continue to give. My well has been malfunctioning for months now and I honestly feel like people, well some people, I thought that would notice have not noticed a thing. If I dive deeper into my world, I can tell you that I have been battling my depression, my seasonal depression, and my anxiety. I have been really struggling and I mean struggling.. But I feel that no one has really asked about that or even cared about the things I have been fa...

It's the holiday season again and I really have so much that I go through emotionally during this time, well I don't think that I am the only one that deals with these feelings. I have been through so much lately especially when it comes to life, but for some reason the holidays makes everything worse in my mind. So let's dive into what's really going on.. So let me just start with how I have recently gotten this thought process that people do not get what it means when people say that they are depressed. I have been dealing with my depression for most of my life and most people honestly do not believe me; I mean I know that I may have the mindset of being social and a little extroverted at times... but truthfully, my depression and anxiety are the worst this time of year. I have spent most of my life trying not to be seen as overly sensitive but I feel now it's time for me to really talk about the things I feel most will not. Seasonal Depression is big in the world...

Hey Everyone! I had to take a break and go on a little vacation so that I can recenter my thoughts. The best way to talk about things is to take a break and then come back more clear and concise. I have so much that is in my mental that I have to make sure that I do not let it take me backwards. So here is the other part to what I was talking about in my last post.. I have been dealing with so much lately and I have been really vulnerable with one person, and I mean one person only. It's like I do not have to even tell HIM something is wrong, he always knows. He calls, he checks in, and he really takes the time to fix my mental in times I really need HIM. In the past few months, I personally have had so much going on and he always would hit me up, protect me, and pull me out of the places I did not know were about to swallow me whole.  I honestly feel like meeting HIM has been my biggest blessing, but it also has been something that took me by storm because I never thought I deserv...