My Journey #LivingWhileSurvivingLife

Man.. it's literally 3 days from Christmas and I do not know if I am even feeling it at this moment. I mean I love this holiday more than anything because I love giving gifts and seeing people smiling so big and bright..even them feeling the love because you have thought about them.. BUT I am not feeling that love right now, in some aspects not all. Maybe I need to process... let's do that... Christmas for me is a family holiday... it's one of those holidays where you decorate the tree together and then go look at Christmas lights; but this year it feels more like just another day nothing more and nothing less. I have really been noticing that this year, no holiday was special to me... I do not know if it was because I am no longer working or because it's this transition I'm going through in life. Ugh this transition.... I turned an odd number this year and I'm really hating when I turn odd numbers because weird things happen on those years. If you need examples...

You are probably like, "Why would she name this that?" Well because in my mind, I think about what the biggest lie is and to my non surprise that lie is "I'm okay"... Like honestly think about how many times you tell a person "I'm okay" when honestly you are nowhere near okay. So let's talk about it and how it relates to my right now..... So I will be honest, I am very prone to telling people "I'm okay", even when I do not even know how to locate okay or where it originates from. I have been broken and I mean really broken up inside, but if someone asks "I'm okay".. why do we do this as people? Why do we feel that we do not need people or that we need to act like we are stronger than we are? I cannot answer for others but I can answer for myself.  In life, we have people that are family that we do not choose and we have people that we do get to choose which is the friends or family we create. Well in the process of g...