My Journey #LivingWhileSurvivingLife

Well I am back with another entry, but I must be honest that I am not doing well #SurvivingLife at this time. My day to day life is going well and my baby is doing well (I just love her so much); but mentally yesterday was a really bad day. I guess because I sat back and started thinking about somethings I kind of broke apart. So now I need to process it the only way I know how; by writing it all here. Here goes... So I had mentioned before I am experiencing some daddy issues, but I finally really thought about it all and now my hurt might just be turning into anger. So I have been calling him, no answers, no text messages, and no return calls; but TODAY he texts me and it was so generic. The text read "Hey Big Girl, Sorry dad has been hit or miss will call you today." No real reason why he's ignoring me, no real apology, just he's normal bullshit of pushing things under the rug. So I did not feed into it, but I just thought to myself, wow my dad really does not c...

Man, what a 3 weeks I have been having with a newborn, school, and being a wife. Yes, life has went from simple to hectic slightly, but for the most part it has been okay. My newborn sleeps well and she does not keep me up all night which is a blessing, and I am able have some normalcy in life; but at the same time this whole journey is new, exciting, but very hard. So everyone talks about the "baby blues" or postpartum, which when you hear about it can cause so much panic and anxiety. Because I have my own mental health issues that I have dealt with in the past. So to get ahead of it I got a therapist, which truthfully ended up helping with some other things that I did not know was affecting me. So let's get to it... I am not having the scary postpartum thoughts, but I am have been slightly in my feelings about things dealing with my family. Well truthfully, things dealing with my father... He does not realize that his actions hurt me and how him not wanting to be ac...

Well hello again, So let's dive into the things that have overlooked processing; YES you guessed it the biggest death I have ever faced in my life, MY PARENT'S DIVORCE. You see I have avoided really voicing how I feel about this situation because I honestly have tried to keep my mind on other things; well today I think I am ready to just let it all out. Let's start from the beginning, I have mentioned before that my relationship with my father and mother was strained at some points in my life, but truthfully my father thinks of me as an issue because of my lifestyle. He always tried to make it seem like everything was good and he had no problems with anything but that was all a lie. In time, I started to see that being a "Daddy's Girl" was a figment of my imagination and it was something I thought was true but honestly it never was. So October of 2018 came and my mother called me letting me know that my father had asked for a divorce. But not long after ...

Hey guys, I know I have been MIA and lord so much has been going on around me. I have been through trying to conceive, actually getting pregnant, and now I am a mother of a beautiful baby girl. So I am know you are wondering how it all happened and what is going on; I guess I will start from the beginning and yes I have some mental health things that I have dealt with a long the way. So here's how everything happened, I have always wanted to be a mother and experience the journey of carrying a child because I have mentioned before I am a bonus mom, which I love being. But from that it still had me desiring more than just that; so my wife and I went on the hunt to become a mother. With all that I did a lot of research and found the greatest donor to help make this dream come true. But with that came some complications because in the process of trying to do all this I had a death in the family in more than one way. Death one was my parent's marriage (which is an entry of it...