Rejection.. Naw I Ain't Dealing W/It

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Well I am back with another entry, but I must be honest that I am not doing well #SurvivingLife at this time.

My day to day life is going well and my baby is doing well (I just love her so much); but mentally yesterday was a really bad day. I guess because I sat back and started thinking about somethings I kind of broke apart. So now I need to process it the only way I know how; by writing it all here. Here goes...

So I had mentioned before I am experiencing some daddy issues, but I finally really thought about it all and now my hurt might just be turning into anger. So I have been calling him, no answers, no text messages, and no return calls; but TODAY he texts me and it was so generic. The text read "Hey Big Girl, Sorry dad has been hit or miss will call you today." No real reason why he's ignoring me, no real apology, just he's normal bullshit of pushing things under the rug. So I did not feed into it, but I just thought to myself, wow my dad really does not care about anything but hisself because truthfully if your oldest child had major surgery to give birth wouldn't you be checking on her more?!

He asked about my daughter but my thoughts on that is you did that out of obligation not because you genuinely care about her or her well being. I find all this to make me angry because I feel like he is rejecting not only me, but he is rejecting my child as well. REJECTION is a big thing with me because that is something I have dealt with for so long, especially from my father and his family. But I be damned if my child deals with him and his inconsistency in life... Damaging his own children is one thing but I won't have him damaging my baby when she deserves the world.

But truthfully, I think I need to just walk away from all that is him, because he is not good for my mental health.

Other than that I am truly #SurvivngLife..

-Jess Lore'al

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