A Death Like No Other
Well hello again,
So let's dive into the things that have overlooked processing; YES you guessed it the biggest death I have ever faced in my life, MY PARENT'S DIVORCE. You see I have avoided really voicing how I feel about this situation because I honestly have tried to keep my mind on other things; well today I think I am ready to just let it all out.
Let's start from the beginning, I have mentioned before that my relationship with my father and mother was strained at some points in my life, but truthfully my father thinks of me as an issue because of my lifestyle. He always tried to make it seem like everything was good and he had no problems with anything but that was all a lie. In time, I started to see that being a "Daddy's Girl" was a figment of my imagination and it was something I thought was true but honestly it never was.
So October of 2018 came and my mother called me letting me know that my father had asked for a divorce. But not long after that it came out that he actually filed without saying anything back in September, well actually on my birthday; which for me was a heart wrenching discovery. But anyways, my mom made him face me and my brother letting us know what was really going on, that conversation was the beginning to the end of the father daughter relationship I thought I had with my father. He was very aggressive in my opinion, he didn't care how anyone else felt about it, and he wasn't the man I grew up calling my dad.
That phone call brought tears to my eyes and really crushed me, not because he was ripping my family apart but because he was hurting my mother in a way she did not deserve at all. Now I know marriage isn't perfect, I am married myself, but I would never think that after being married for 30 plus years you could just walk out like it meant nothing to you. Well that is what my father did, he walked out on his family and acted like his children meant nothing as he let us know he did not want to be responsible for anyone anymore. But sad part is out of all his children he truly hurt the most.
You see my father said hurtful things to me, he disregarded my feelings, and he even made it seem like I was to emotional for him to even have a conversation with. I tried having conversations with him, opening up about my feelings, and all he did was dismiss and have no accountability. The hurt from all that just brought back up so much resentment and anger that I did not need to deal with because I was pregnant. My mental health came into question a lot because of my anxiety whenever my father was mentioned, I ended up blocking him for a while, plus I had to mute his text because I cried a lot after every conversation with him no matter what was talked about. He seemed to always play the victim even though he hurt all of us in the process.
This situation has been an uphill battle because not much has changed in his actions but I have started therapy again because lord knows I am out here just #SurvivingLife.
-Jess Lore'al
So let's dive into the things that have overlooked processing; YES you guessed it the biggest death I have ever faced in my life, MY PARENT'S DIVORCE. You see I have avoided really voicing how I feel about this situation because I honestly have tried to keep my mind on other things; well today I think I am ready to just let it all out.
Let's start from the beginning, I have mentioned before that my relationship with my father and mother was strained at some points in my life, but truthfully my father thinks of me as an issue because of my lifestyle. He always tried to make it seem like everything was good and he had no problems with anything but that was all a lie. In time, I started to see that being a "Daddy's Girl" was a figment of my imagination and it was something I thought was true but honestly it never was.
So October of 2018 came and my mother called me letting me know that my father had asked for a divorce. But not long after that it came out that he actually filed without saying anything back in September, well actually on my birthday; which for me was a heart wrenching discovery. But anyways, my mom made him face me and my brother letting us know what was really going on, that conversation was the beginning to the end of the father daughter relationship I thought I had with my father. He was very aggressive in my opinion, he didn't care how anyone else felt about it, and he wasn't the man I grew up calling my dad.
That phone call brought tears to my eyes and really crushed me, not because he was ripping my family apart but because he was hurting my mother in a way she did not deserve at all. Now I know marriage isn't perfect, I am married myself, but I would never think that after being married for 30 plus years you could just walk out like it meant nothing to you. Well that is what my father did, he walked out on his family and acted like his children meant nothing as he let us know he did not want to be responsible for anyone anymore. But sad part is out of all his children he truly hurt the most.
You see my father said hurtful things to me, he disregarded my feelings, and he even made it seem like I was to emotional for him to even have a conversation with. I tried having conversations with him, opening up about my feelings, and all he did was dismiss and have no accountability. The hurt from all that just brought back up so much resentment and anger that I did not need to deal with because I was pregnant. My mental health came into question a lot because of my anxiety whenever my father was mentioned, I ended up blocking him for a while, plus I had to mute his text because I cried a lot after every conversation with him no matter what was talked about. He seemed to always play the victim even though he hurt all of us in the process.
This situation has been an uphill battle because not much has changed in his actions but I have started therapy again because lord knows I am out here just #SurvivingLife.
-Jess Lore'al
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