The Biggest Lie

You are probably like, "Why would she name this that?" Well because in my mind, I think about what the biggest lie is and to my non surprise that lie is "I'm okay"... Like honestly think about how many times you tell a person "I'm okay" when honestly you are nowhere near okay. So let's talk about it and how it relates to my right now.....

So I will be honest, I am very prone to telling people "I'm okay", even when I do not even know how to locate okay or where it originates from. I have been broken and I mean really broken up inside, but if someone asks "I'm okay".. why do we do this as people? Why do we feel that we do not need people or that we need to act like we are stronger than we are? I cannot answer for others but I can answer for myself. 

In life, we have people that are family that we do not choose and we have people that we do get to choose which is the friends or family we create. Well in the process of growing up we face things, we try talking to those people we are our blood family and sometimes those exact people can start the feeling and thought process that we cannot rely on anyone so when people ask "How are you"... we automatically respond "I'm okay".. It takes people or even a person that really cares and knows you to get that level of vulnerability and even trust from you to open up about how you really are...

I have really noticed that as an adult I have told this "I'm okay" lie more than I care to admit and honestly it's because I truly have lived with this stigmatism that I am the "Overly Sensitive" one or I am "Too Much"... But I honestly ask myself daily "Am I too sensitive? Am I too much" just because I have feelings and I like to communicate. Is it a bad thing that sometimes I do not want to always be strong? Is it a bad thing that I am human and I have emotions" Truthfully, it's not but the people in my life over the years; family, friends, and even relationships have made me feel like having emotions and wanting to talk about them is way too much and that I should just shove them down. Because even though they ask, they truthfully do not care; because if they did would my emotions be too much? would I still be overreacting and bing too sensitive? 

Let me be real, the way you are allowed to communicate your emotions as a child affects how you express yourself as an adult. People do not realize that we literally create these toxic adults in their childhood because we tell them things like "Men do not cry; suck it up" "He's a boy, he's not supposed to be soft" or "Girl you are way too sensitive.. they were just joking" "no one will ever love you because you too emotional" "Here you go again crying" "Boy stop all that crying like a little punk".. What is healthy about letting a child know YOU DO NOT CARE ABOUT THEIR EMOTIONS? 

The crazier part is people think this is still okay and that repeating the cycle just because "I turned out okay.. look at me" but you really are not okay. You cannot talk about your emotions, you are in denial that you are hurting all because of a vicious cycle you never broke. 

So yeah... the BIGGEST lie is "I'm okay" but as you can see it comes from a long line of toxicity that people will never step out of if they are not real with themselves and a therapist.. because that statement stems from childhood trauma and sometimes trauma period.

Rant over.... Until next time, I will still be #LivingWhileSurvivingLife..

-Jess Lore'al