Appreciation Part 1: Self-Love

Appreciation means recognition and enjoyment of the good qualities of someone or something; now that we have the textbook definition of the word, let's talk about what it means in real life. It means to show someone how much you care, love, and how much you are grateful for them; appreciation makes people feel better and sometimes it gives people a feeling that they probably have not felt ever.

But sometimes we forget to show that appreciation to ourselves as well, so that is something that I have been trying to get my self-love back to a great place. I realized that during my healing I was longing for a love that I could not get from anywhere but myself. I truthfully did not know where to begin with that being that I have never really witness anyone loving themselves more than whatever they were going through.

Self- Love is something that comes in many different ways, its preserving your peace, removing yourself from toxic situations, and it's even loving you unconditionally. It's hard to truly love you unless you honestly love you for who you truly are; I promise the journey to find you is not easy but loving yourself fulfills voids you never realize are there. 

So in my own personal experiences, I really have had difficulty with my self love more because of my body image issues. I feel like I came down hard on myself when it came to how I look and I would not show myself unconditional love. I created body dysmorphia issues which literally made me feel unloveable, unattractive, and made me do so many unhealthy things to try and lose weight. I never knew that showing myself appreciation would help me love me and see the beauty that was within me.

As I started healing from my past, I started seeing that I did not do certain things so I allowed others to treat me ways that was not okay at all. I ignored things about myself that I knew for a fact that I truly wanted and needed, so then when it came to relationships I also allowed them to do the same thing. So as I started to release things, my desire to be loved completely was stronger than ever; at that point I was like how do I find that and what should I do to get it. So I went in search for it and what I found was that I was not showing myself any type of care. 

Self- love and Self-care are hand in hand, and no self-care is not just taking care of your body. I really had to look into how to show myself that I cared more, so I decided to get back into my face masks, my music, my writing, and my hobbies. I noticed that when I started going shopping for clothes, working out, and taking myself out; I began to love on me in a way that made me feel great again. It was like I began to see me, the REAL me and I am loving every minute of that. 

The love I am showing me in this stage of my life had me step out and do things that I have never done before, such as me wearing a two piece bathing suit for the first time ever in life, going out and doing something care free with people I love, and finally doing a photo shoot (well a Boudoir shoot) that I never thought I would ever do. The funny thing is the moments I was about to do things that were out of my comfort zone, I would look in the memory I saw myself in the lenses of my body dysmorphia eyes instead of my new eyes. I literally gave myself pep talks before had because I realized that my self-love and appreciation of me tank was low and needed to be filled. 

With self-care we always have to recharge and refill ourselves because it helps us keep going and centers us for everything around us. I hope that as I continue to go on in this process I continue to remember that loving me and taking care of me is most important especially if I want to be any good to anyone in my life. I know that this part of my journey will continue to be something I will work on but it will definitely bring more joy to me #SurvivingLife.

-Jess Lore'al