In the Midst of Release

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 So yesterday I started talking about releasing and how it is a good thing for your mental and to help you get things in order for your healing and your process. Today, I am going to go into detail on release on a personal level for myself.

This past weekend I spent a good majority of it saging myself and my surroundings because the energy was off and it was really starting to way on me in the worst way. I found myself with a massive headache, not being able to shake it, and then Sunday I emotionally broke in the worst way. I found myself sobbing uncontrollably and that led to an anxiety attack in the worst way. So let me allow myself to explain..

I have always dealt with feeling like I was unwanted, unloved, abandoned, and rejected by the ONLY man that I have ever really loved. Most of my issues stemmed from my childhood, but it got worse because as I got older it seemed like he showed me more and more how little he cared about me. My mental health issues and body dysmorphia issues stem from the relationship I have/had with my father; which I never really notice that is very parallel to the romantic relationships I have had in my life. 

For instance, in most of my relationships I have been emotionally and verbally abused like with my father. I have had people treat me like they had better options out there and I was a second rate option. I have never truly been in a relationship where there was not conditions on how I was loved. But for some reason, I allowed these things over time because I thought it was okay to do that and be treated that way; until recently while going through this journey.

I realized that now I am at the point on my journey where I have to release all this from my spirit while I am forgiving me of things that I never realized that I needed to forgive me. I have also realized that when I start healing from things I need to allow myself to be like "Damn Jessica you really made it through that" and have a healing cry. 

My healing crying happened, but that does not mean that it's over and my release ends there. Because truth be told it does not, there is more to releasing than just the cry; once the cry comes out it's time to cleanse your energy and your surroundings. After crying it out, write it out, and then move forward; but in that process forgive yourself because this release will bring back up feelings of anger towards self about things you know you did not do on purpose. 

You have to remember that there will be many times in your journey where you will end up needing to forgive yourself because you will uncover new things in each step that you may have forgotten about; do not allow new releases to bring you to that place that you have recently just healed from within yourself. Just know that there is a method to the madness that is happening around you on this journey.

Some days you will be strong and others you maybe an emotional mess, but in all just know you are heading down the right path to continue #SurvivingLife

-Jess Lore'al

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