My Journey #LivingWhileSurvivingLife

I cannot breathe I feel no one sees me My heart is claiming out where did this come about I cry so much I'm losing touch Count backwards 5..4..3..2..1 Why is everything getting close? why does it feel like the walls are closing? I cannot let this takeover It needs to go but when you have anxiety It tells you "No" It doesn't let go So now it's time to get help because I refuse to allow this to overtake me Anxiety won't win I will these attacks must and will END

Where do you begin  when you hold everything in? Where do you put the hurt? How do allow yourself to let go when inside you honestly don't know? What do you do? I mean have you ever thought of loss? like real loss? the kind that knocks the wind out of you and you don't know what to do The kind that brings forth panic, fears more hurt, and all the tears How do you handle it? How do I handle it, you ask? Well honestly, I am learning that now I really don't know how I have the worst anxiety that comes alive in the worst times it causes me to lose my mind I lose control of my being I cannot regain my breath I fear closing my eyes I honestly think I might die I sometimes feel my anxiety will get  the best of me...

So Jessica, you still trying to make it in life well I got some news for you there something you need to do You need to stop thinking you are cute Girl you are ugly no one loves you no one wants you no one cares about you You are selfish trifling worthless and shouldn't be alive Jessica.... you just just... ....... *Looks in mirror*...... Stop, I'm not those things I'm better than this I am loved by me even if no one else cares all this hurt you are trying to bring up will not control me anymore I'm taking my power back there's nothing I will allow you to tell me I lack Inner voice can't control the things I want in life I'm shutting down that inner voice tonight

Hey Self, you know you are trash right? You know you should've died last night but you wanted to fight Ha! You can't fight being a failure or being the mistake You can't get away from being rejected, or abandoned those feelings will haunt you chase you never escape you. You are worthless and deserve whatever pain that you have because you are just another useless human. A waste of space, breath a no one that needs no love just take your life already What's the point of trying when everyone thinks you lying no one wants to own up it's all your fault you did this you are the lost cause you will never sleep again there's no peace for you within Jess, just stop trying let this life thing go just let it go ....... *Panic Attack*.....

Hey Girl, I know you hear me why didn't you do it why haven't you just took your useless life What's making you think you are wanted? I mean look around you no one hears you thinks about you or even wants you. Hell if you ask yourself you don't want you! And why would you? You are lazy, trifling, and a failure you work a dead end job Girl, you damn near 30 why don't you have anything Oh that's right, because you don't have a degree you are useless you barely can keep focus without breaking down over things no one cares about then you want someone just anyone to listen but why should they? You don't listen... I told you already you should just kill yourself.. Go ahead just die You won't be missed death you should kiss because it would be better that way You know what I'm saying Just do it Just do it ........

Do you open up address your fears battle your tears or just run Do you think of how it hurts or do you just brush it off can you handle the truth or will you only see you Things surface that cause you to break and then you realize a lot was fake But do you allow it to stop you and your future do you allow it to break your belief in love or even the world? what's next after the storm has cleared when you see the damage Not only to yourself but to those around you Do you fix it or do you flee? When it's all said and done will you move forward or will your demons bring back your shame Can you take control or... Are your demons controlling your mind still?

Words escape you without any expression you feel the words coming then something slips You didn't realize the hurt you caused your love because you were damaged the hurt of your past Hurt took over your thoughts your actions, your emotions then you are self-destructing and bulldozing everything in sight You tear apart your world all because you don't know how to address the inner you the demons The shame embarrassment the lies betrayal Is it to late to reconcile? Are your demons still controlling your mind?