I Hate Goodbyes

So I got this really heart wrenching phone call from my mother on November 5th, yes last Monday, about my Uncle Reggie passing away. Man, hearing the way my mother sobbed and feeling the breathlessness I felt made this nightmare a reality. You know I only have 2 uncles, one that I could talk noise with and knew he would be spitting it right back and one that was You, Uncle Reggie, who listened and heard me out before trying to get defensive. Either way, everyone knows how much I love you and your brother.

But back to what, I was saying; I cannot believe that I will not get those random Facebook calls from you and see all the random messages from you telling me everything I have been missing. We talked like brother and sister even though at times you acted as my dad and not my Uncle lol. You were very protective of me and my mom, you were an amazing dad, and you truly were a great man.

I am sitting here days after your homegoing service and I cannot wrap my head around the fact that you are no longer living. I have looked at your pictures thinking to myself how much I wish it all was a bad dream. I had to watch my mother, my grandmother, and Serena your baby girl fall apart and I needed to be strong for them. But now I am back home in my own space thinking I much I miss you. I have only been apart from you before because you were incarcerated and even then we wrote and I saw you as much as I could. Now how do I say goodbye?

Death has a way of making life seem so precious and reminds you of how you should cherish every moment. It's just hard for me to cherish life when I am missing some great people that I love dearly. I am praying that I can move forward and that this doesn't sting so bad, but your birthday is next month and all this hurt will resurface. I love you Uncle Reggie, I truly do. I just hate saying goodbye.

-Jess Lore'al