Mental Health Day
Dealing with mental health is something a lot of people do not get into; especially when they know that they are dealing with real mental things. For instance, you had a death in your family, the way you saw your childhood has shifted, and a lot of your important relationships change forever; but instead of processing how it's affecting you and what you think about any of it you push it to the back burner. But one day, it will catch up to you and you will burn out bigger than you realize. Which kind of brings me to why I am writing this blog...
Recently, I have been going through so many different things that I have yet to begin to process how I am feeling or what I think about all that's happening around me. I lost a loved one that means a lot to me recently, I have some shifts happening in my friendships and important relationships, and things are surfacing about my childhood that I am getting confirmation on. I think all in all emotionally I am fighting a battle to stay positive, but truthfully I have been getting angry easily and more often since shifts started happening.
So let's start from the beginning, I do not do death well, which is something we discussed earlier in other blogs, I get really emotionally blocked and drained when someone I am close to dies. I have been in denial about how much it hurts that my uncle is no longer living, but truthfully I have been hurting and was holding it all in deep inside. Once I realized that I was hurting from this and talked about it, I started to feel a lot better about saying goodbye to my uncle. But truthfully, this death was an added bonus to the mental draining that was already going on in my mind.
It all started when my thoughts about my childhood shattered because the storyline I created in my head about a lot of things started to seem fantasy and the ugly truth came and slapped me in the face. I never thought about the fact that I truly suppressed things and rewrote what it was because the truth was to hurtful for me to digest. Finding out that the things, I really saw wasn't a movie, or something that I had a nightmare about. Being made feel like, I am emotional or always in my feelings is the worst thing someone can ever say to you especially when you know that holding things in makes you depressed.
After all these coming to the surface, I also noticed how a lot of my "Friendships" are one sided and all those people do is take from me. I started to notice the "It's all about me" attitudes and the mistreatment I get from people I have given my all and last to. It was crazy how in the moments where I was at my lowest, I felt alone. I was drowning in a sea of my own hurt, anger, and emotion. I couldn't put in word how much emotion was in me and what was causing the emotion; I started to become withdrawn from people and feel like I could only depend on myself.
It was in the moment I realized that I needed to find my peace again because all the emotions and the not being able to function was taking a toll on me. I truly felt off and like I was getting angrier by the moment. When I finally talked about what I was feeling, my head was hurting something serious and I couldn't sleep for 24 hours. But once I released I was able to get closer to my peace but a different me.
A me, that decided that I needed to finally stand up for myself and stop all things that I had been letting slide. I finally got my mind to process things and now I am sharing with my blog. Hopefully, I continue on this path..... Only time will tell.
- Jess Lore'al
Recently, I have been going through so many different things that I have yet to begin to process how I am feeling or what I think about all that's happening around me. I lost a loved one that means a lot to me recently, I have some shifts happening in my friendships and important relationships, and things are surfacing about my childhood that I am getting confirmation on. I think all in all emotionally I am fighting a battle to stay positive, but truthfully I have been getting angry easily and more often since shifts started happening.
So let's start from the beginning, I do not do death well, which is something we discussed earlier in other blogs, I get really emotionally blocked and drained when someone I am close to dies. I have been in denial about how much it hurts that my uncle is no longer living, but truthfully I have been hurting and was holding it all in deep inside. Once I realized that I was hurting from this and talked about it, I started to feel a lot better about saying goodbye to my uncle. But truthfully, this death was an added bonus to the mental draining that was already going on in my mind.
It all started when my thoughts about my childhood shattered because the storyline I created in my head about a lot of things started to seem fantasy and the ugly truth came and slapped me in the face. I never thought about the fact that I truly suppressed things and rewrote what it was because the truth was to hurtful for me to digest. Finding out that the things, I really saw wasn't a movie, or something that I had a nightmare about. Being made feel like, I am emotional or always in my feelings is the worst thing someone can ever say to you especially when you know that holding things in makes you depressed.
After all these coming to the surface, I also noticed how a lot of my "Friendships" are one sided and all those people do is take from me. I started to notice the "It's all about me" attitudes and the mistreatment I get from people I have given my all and last to. It was crazy how in the moments where I was at my lowest, I felt alone. I was drowning in a sea of my own hurt, anger, and emotion. I couldn't put in word how much emotion was in me and what was causing the emotion; I started to become withdrawn from people and feel like I could only depend on myself.
It was in the moment I realized that I needed to find my peace again because all the emotions and the not being able to function was taking a toll on me. I truly felt off and like I was getting angrier by the moment. When I finally talked about what I was feeling, my head was hurting something serious and I couldn't sleep for 24 hours. But once I released I was able to get closer to my peace but a different me.
A me, that decided that I needed to finally stand up for myself and stop all things that I had been letting slide. I finally got my mind to process things and now I am sharing with my blog. Hopefully, I continue on this path..... Only time will tell.
- Jess Lore'al
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