Struggles of Working out// My inner Gym Demon
Man oh man... It's something being a mom, wife, and full time student. I literally have been up to my eye balls in all my responsibilities. I literally wake up and go; recently I added working out to the mix. Which brings up my next thing, BABY WEIGHT!!!
Yess the dreaded thing that us woman I hate to gain, weight. I cannot stand gaining weight because it causes me to be really insecure about everything. How I look in my clothes, how round my face is, and watching literally everything I eat. I mean it drives me crazy that I get this insecure, but I literally feel like I do not look my best at a certain weight. So that causes a spiral that many people did not know that I faced or dealt with.
So for many, exercising is just something they do to stay healthy and make sure that they are staying active; well for me I have to monitor how much I actually do it so I do not go over board. At one point in my life, when I was at my lowest, I used exercising as my addiction of choice. It helped with my depression and it caused me to lose unnecessary weight. Well I did not realize how much weight or how much I was really working out. I use to work out 3 times a day for almost over 2 hours each session, and that's not including the fact that I would walk there too. I became so addicted to the gym that eating and noticing how small I was became the last thing on my mind.
But the truth of the matter is I went from being about 185 to being 125 in less than 3 months. And the problem was I still felt fat, plus I did not notice I no longer looked healthy; I actually looked like I was on drugs and no one, I mean NO ONE was brave enough to say I looked horrible. I look back on those pictures now I see the hurt, the pain, the depression, and all the things no one else saw that pushed me to do what I was doing.
So now as I start this journey of working out, I am trying to remind myself that the goal is to stay healthy and not to let the working out become an unhealthy addiction. But you know, other than this I am truly doing what I do best and that's #SurvivingLife.
-Jess Lore'al
Yess the dreaded thing that us woman I hate to gain, weight. I cannot stand gaining weight because it causes me to be really insecure about everything. How I look in my clothes, how round my face is, and watching literally everything I eat. I mean it drives me crazy that I get this insecure, but I literally feel like I do not look my best at a certain weight. So that causes a spiral that many people did not know that I faced or dealt with.
So for many, exercising is just something they do to stay healthy and make sure that they are staying active; well for me I have to monitor how much I actually do it so I do not go over board. At one point in my life, when I was at my lowest, I used exercising as my addiction of choice. It helped with my depression and it caused me to lose unnecessary weight. Well I did not realize how much weight or how much I was really working out. I use to work out 3 times a day for almost over 2 hours each session, and that's not including the fact that I would walk there too. I became so addicted to the gym that eating and noticing how small I was became the last thing on my mind.
But the truth of the matter is I went from being about 185 to being 125 in less than 3 months. And the problem was I still felt fat, plus I did not notice I no longer looked healthy; I actually looked like I was on drugs and no one, I mean NO ONE was brave enough to say I looked horrible. I look back on those pictures now I see the hurt, the pain, the depression, and all the things no one else saw that pushed me to do what I was doing.
So now as I start this journey of working out, I am trying to remind myself that the goal is to stay healthy and not to let the working out become an unhealthy addiction. But you know, other than this I am truly doing what I do best and that's #SurvivingLife.
-Jess Lore'al
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