Self Hatred vs Self Love
I guess in life we all go through different things that can affect how we see ourselves or maybe you never really know your worth. Well I am here to say that I truly have had that challenge of self worth// self love.
Many people look at me and think that I am so confident and I must have such high self esteem; but that is no where near true because I have had low self esteem and self love for awhile.
It all started when I was younger, I was always teased about something. If it wasn't me being teased about my glasses, which I had been wearing since 3rd grade, I was being teased about the way I talked. I was told I was white or that I thought I was white; I couldn't stand being called white or being told that I talked like a "white" person. It was like I was an outcast for speaking properly or even just because I was very studious when I was younger.
Going through all this made my self esteem take many hits, because I was not accepted for I was and I thought something was wrong with me. What made it worse was the fact that even my family members were teasing me. I felt alone in a world of many people and truthfully I started the self hatred.
Once I got to high school, things became something even harder to cope with because I went from being called a white girl to being noticed for the way my body looked. Guys made inappropriate jokes, were very aggressive, and just were disgusting when it came to me. I was sexually harassed more than I was treated like a person.
I remembered crying a lot and starting to wear hoodies all year around because I did not feel comfortable showing anyone how I looked in my clothes. I hated the way guys looked at me, I started to feel like I wish I did not look the way I did, and I also withdrew from everyone. I hated myself because it was like being me got me teased or sexually harassed.
As time went on things only got worse especially when I started dating and was being cheated on because I made a promise to myself not to have sex in high school. Thats when I felt like I truly was not good enough; I mean everything else was great about me but because I would not put out I basically was not good enough. Wow another blow to my esteem.
Truthfully, I had so many other things that attacked my esteem, but nothing worse than my own mind. I was truly depressed, anxious, and in the darkest place of my life from high school to my mid twenties. People around me never knew how much I hated me, or how I really was hiding behind a smile. I did not fix that until I found therapy.
Therapy is truly something that I recommend all try because it really heals and helps you cope with things you never realize caused you much pain and damage. From getting this type of help, I was able to find Self-Love, something that helped me see that I am the owner of my own happiness.
Which means I finally found everything everyone teased me about or made me feel insecure about, I truly love about me. I love that I am studious, that I speak properly; I also love my glasses and I even am proud of myself for being a virgin all the way to my mid 20's because all of that made me, ME! I am who I am because of those things and that makes my worth priceless.
But until next, I will be #SurvivingLife.
-Jess Lore'al
Many people look at me and think that I am so confident and I must have such high self esteem; but that is no where near true because I have had low self esteem and self love for awhile.
It all started when I was younger, I was always teased about something. If it wasn't me being teased about my glasses, which I had been wearing since 3rd grade, I was being teased about the way I talked. I was told I was white or that I thought I was white; I couldn't stand being called white or being told that I talked like a "white" person. It was like I was an outcast for speaking properly or even just because I was very studious when I was younger.
Going through all this made my self esteem take many hits, because I was not accepted for I was and I thought something was wrong with me. What made it worse was the fact that even my family members were teasing me. I felt alone in a world of many people and truthfully I started the self hatred.
Once I got to high school, things became something even harder to cope with because I went from being called a white girl to being noticed for the way my body looked. Guys made inappropriate jokes, were very aggressive, and just were disgusting when it came to me. I was sexually harassed more than I was treated like a person.
I remembered crying a lot and starting to wear hoodies all year around because I did not feel comfortable showing anyone how I looked in my clothes. I hated the way guys looked at me, I started to feel like I wish I did not look the way I did, and I also withdrew from everyone. I hated myself because it was like being me got me teased or sexually harassed.
As time went on things only got worse especially when I started dating and was being cheated on because I made a promise to myself not to have sex in high school. Thats when I felt like I truly was not good enough; I mean everything else was great about me but because I would not put out I basically was not good enough. Wow another blow to my esteem.
Truthfully, I had so many other things that attacked my esteem, but nothing worse than my own mind. I was truly depressed, anxious, and in the darkest place of my life from high school to my mid twenties. People around me never knew how much I hated me, or how I really was hiding behind a smile. I did not fix that until I found therapy.
Therapy is truly something that I recommend all try because it really heals and helps you cope with things you never realize caused you much pain and damage. From getting this type of help, I was able to find Self-Love, something that helped me see that I am the owner of my own happiness.
Which means I finally found everything everyone teased me about or made me feel insecure about, I truly love about me. I love that I am studious, that I speak properly; I also love my glasses and I even am proud of myself for being a virgin all the way to my mid 20's because all of that made me, ME! I am who I am because of those things and that makes my worth priceless.
But until next, I will be #SurvivingLife.
-Jess Lore'al
This is truly something that many people battle..Many think self-esteem is a woman thing but I've watched many of my students,male and female, obsess over their body image. I've seen them almost starve them self and then come asking for crackers so they won't pass out....even as a nutritionist, I too struggle with my self-esteem and my self-image. I agree that therapy can help. The stigma that therapy is for crazy people has to be abolished.
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