The TTC Journey

People now a days take for granted the simple things like being able to conceive something that not all women get to do the natural way. So many struggle with this and honestly it's heartbreaking to go through. I have my own TTC journey I went through last year and though in the end I conceived my beautiful baby girl, it does not mean that my struggle was not real in the beginning. 

I am a lesbian so trying to have a baby has to be done differently for me than most women; I have to go to an infertility clinic and get all these test run on me. Sadly though doing most of the ultrasounds I have to pay for them out of pocket because my insurance only pays for those if I have infertility issues. So you can imagine that I have to be financially ready for this commitment of trying to conceive and everything that comes after. 

So last year, in August, my wife and I decided we wanted to start trying, not really knowing the toll this process takes on you emotionally; we started looking for donors and making a plan. We wanted a certain type of donor and we wanted to make sure that everything with my body checked out good. So once all that was good the madness begins....

You go down this crazy path of tracking your ovulation, your body temperature, and making sure your cycles are regular. This process seemed simple at first but it really was not. Truthfully, I started to doubt that this process would even work because it was so much that went into planning this plus we had decided no IUI. 

So this month we tried to the at home insemination, I had all the symptoms and everything, but it wasn't successful at all. That was a hit to my mental health, but the second failure was worse than the first time because it's like you are believing for something and nothing is happening. But then I did something that I feel worked for me and I really want to share with others.

So for a month, I just followed my cycle, my ovulation, and my basal body temperature; documenting everything a long the way. While doing this I also started to speak positivity over my body, my mental space, and speaking my baby into existence. I bought a onesie that I use to speak to everyday saying "One day soon I will be holding you in my arms, my healthy baby" Yes some thought I was crazy because of this but I did not care; I needed to get my mind and surroundings ready for a baby.

This time I did not tell anyone about the insemination and we decided to do it twice and not just once. Plus when we inseminated I said a pregnancy confession each night and I literally kept speaking my baby into existence. My mindset went to me becoming a mom, carrying my baby, and I stopped stressing and worrying if it took or not. Well me doing all that truly changed how I handled my waiting period before taking a pregnancy test.

When I finally tested on December 5, 2019, I found out I was pregnant. A day and a moment I will never forget because it changed my life for the better. It made me a mom in the physical realm and not just in the spiritual realm. 

You see TTC is not just an emotional toll and a physical toll, women go through it's also spiritual. Women have to set their mindset on so many positive things when TTC because if not we end up stressing ourselves and that prevents the body from taking it's natural course of creating life. So many do not know that women deal with so many hardships when they are going through IVF, IUI, or any other infertility options available, so no we do not want to share some things because it is not easy to share. 

Make sure not to just take care of the emotional and physical aspects of you when trying to create life make sure you keep the spiritual side of you together too because in the longer run it will benefit you.

Until next time, I will be #SurvivingLife.

-Jess Lore'al