The Week from HELL/ Feeling Like A Bad Mom
It's been a minute since I sat in front of this laptop to write about any topic at all. Well life has been really kicking butt lately and last week was the week of demon hell; Lord knows I truly was not ready for it.
So here goes the story of my nightmare:
I woke up Monday morning to do my normal things I do everyday; I got dressed, got my daughter dressed, then took her to back to my room to hang with my wife while I got her breakfast ready. Well in the few minutes of me being downstairs my child fell off my high bed and fell on the floor. I heard the screaming and I panicked. Well long story long this started the whole feeling of being the "Worst Mother" ever; my daughter's eye wasn't opening.
So we took her to the Emergency room, I am trying not to cry, and my wife is doing the same. We get there and they look at her then do a CT on her head. All that to tell me my daughter has a fracture in her skull and now we have to be transferred to the hospital for observation from the Neurology team. At this point, you can already guess, I am losing it on the inside because I am thinking what I could've done differently.
So we get to the hospital and I see so many different doctors and nurses come in and out of this room we are in. Poking my child, looking at my child, and then this doctor comes in talking surgery for my 7 month old! SURGERY?! Instant Anxiety came over me; then the nurse says "Mom she's fine; he's talking cosmetic" I look and say "NO! NOT HAPPENING!" I then think to myself this man has to be crazy; is this because I have good health insurance.
After all that craziness, then comes the one black doctor saying her goodbyes and then she decides to slip in there that she called DCFS! And she said it like it was so normal and nothing of importance. But I panicked yet again! WHAT DCFS?! Why? This was an accident. She claimed it was because of my daughter's age and injury; but later on I found out that was a lie.
They move us to our overnight stay room; and that night I could not sleep longer than 45 minutes to an hour. I was in my head about them calling DCFS. Well little did I know I would have to go through more things before they would let us leave the hospital. They did a skeletal survey of my baby; then DCFS came into our room. They drug tested us, interviewed us, and then asked us to have a safety monitor for a meeting at with the CPI team the next day. Oh and to top that off we were going to have a home visit.
Now at this point, I'm feeling like these people want to take my child all because she fell off the bed; literally an accident. Now I know people are like they are doing this because of what is happening to children in the news; but you can look at my child and see she is FAR FROM ABUSED!! So I am literally hot mad because this hospital never gave me a clear understanding of their "so called" protocol. We went home and I had to pray and pray some more.
Wednesday, things went pretty quickly and now all this is closed and over; but for my mental it is not. I am still stuck in this cycle of feeling like a bad mother even though I know I did nothing wrong. But my child got hurt and had to endure things she should not have had to because of falling off the bed.
FAST forwarding to now, she is healing beautifully. I thank God for that.
But until next time, I will be #SurvivingLife
-Jess Lore'al
So here goes the story of my nightmare:
I woke up Monday morning to do my normal things I do everyday; I got dressed, got my daughter dressed, then took her to back to my room to hang with my wife while I got her breakfast ready. Well in the few minutes of me being downstairs my child fell off my high bed and fell on the floor. I heard the screaming and I panicked. Well long story long this started the whole feeling of being the "Worst Mother" ever; my daughter's eye wasn't opening.
So we took her to the Emergency room, I am trying not to cry, and my wife is doing the same. We get there and they look at her then do a CT on her head. All that to tell me my daughter has a fracture in her skull and now we have to be transferred to the hospital for observation from the Neurology team. At this point, you can already guess, I am losing it on the inside because I am thinking what I could've done differently.
So we get to the hospital and I see so many different doctors and nurses come in and out of this room we are in. Poking my child, looking at my child, and then this doctor comes in talking surgery for my 7 month old! SURGERY?! Instant Anxiety came over me; then the nurse says "Mom she's fine; he's talking cosmetic" I look and say "NO! NOT HAPPENING!" I then think to myself this man has to be crazy; is this because I have good health insurance.
After all that craziness, then comes the one black doctor saying her goodbyes and then she decides to slip in there that she called DCFS! And she said it like it was so normal and nothing of importance. But I panicked yet again! WHAT DCFS?! Why? This was an accident. She claimed it was because of my daughter's age and injury; but later on I found out that was a lie.
They move us to our overnight stay room; and that night I could not sleep longer than 45 minutes to an hour. I was in my head about them calling DCFS. Well little did I know I would have to go through more things before they would let us leave the hospital. They did a skeletal survey of my baby; then DCFS came into our room. They drug tested us, interviewed us, and then asked us to have a safety monitor for a meeting at with the CPI team the next day. Oh and to top that off we were going to have a home visit.
Now at this point, I'm feeling like these people want to take my child all because she fell off the bed; literally an accident. Now I know people are like they are doing this because of what is happening to children in the news; but you can look at my child and see she is FAR FROM ABUSED!! So I am literally hot mad because this hospital never gave me a clear understanding of their "so called" protocol. We went home and I had to pray and pray some more.
Wednesday, things went pretty quickly and now all this is closed and over; but for my mental it is not. I am still stuck in this cycle of feeling like a bad mother even though I know I did nothing wrong. But my child got hurt and had to endure things she should not have had to because of falling off the bed.
FAST forwarding to now, she is healing beautifully. I thank God for that.
But until next time, I will be #SurvivingLife
-Jess Lore'al
Thank God for her fast recovery and his grace for allowing you all to endure the milestone. Your description of events is the reason parents do not take their children to the hospital when they have ab accident. No one wants to be accused of being a bad mother, especially when they are ready heartbroken that their lil ray of sunshine got a real boo boo....the process will definitely weigh on your mental and have you feeling as if you did something wrong 😔. I am so glad to hear that through all the turmoil your family has been able to prevail. Though the next few weeks may bring back memories and you may wonder why you, remember that God gives his toughest battles to his strongest and you all got through it. Take time, process, but never and I mean never consider yourself a bad mom because you are an awesome mom. ♥️
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