Mental Check In (Quarantine Thoughts)

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Hey hey hey.....

It's been so long since I sat down and wrote in this blog of mine. But this quarantine has been no joke; like literally no freaking joke..

I have been battling many thoughts, feelings, emotions, and even I have been trying to figure out whats going on in my own space and around me that I have really not been in that place of sharing my experiences. I honestly feel myself shutting down because life, man, life has been something.

I guess with all happening in the world with #BlackLivesMatter I have been avoiding how much my life matters. I mean truthfully, I have been drowning in so much that I literally forgot I truly have a lot messing with my mental.

Now the question is: Where do I begin?

Well here goes nothing....

I have been dealing with so much on my mental. It's like I forgot how to process things so that I do not know when I am coming or going most days. I feel that in this time in my life I have been hanging on by a thread to whatever I can.

Well, long story long I am feeling trapped in a cycle that I have seen once before and I am not liking it at all. I am losing myself in a place that I told myself I would not allow to happen again. I am feeling the insecurities again, the shame again, and the pain again. I am legit in a mindset that I feel has me spiraling out of control. I remember being in this place before and wanting to no longer be alive.

So how did I get here again is the question I have been asking? How have I allowed myself to become a shell of my former self? Why does this continue to happen to me?

All things I need to know the answer to and over time I believe I will process this.

But until then, I will be #SurvivingLife

-Jess Lore'al

Comments

  1. Flawless ArRHOganceJuly 1, 2020 at 9:28 PM

    I am glad to see that you are back posting again....I think the blogging is going to help you thru whatever phase you are currently going thru....I agree that even tho I am black and the whole Black Lives Matter movement had gained a lot of momentum, I still don't value myself the way I should. It is easy to get lost in a cycle because it becomes so familiar but that does not mean it is healthy ....at least you are aware that things are different and you know where you need to step in to make sure you don't lose yourself ..I know that it won't be easy but it's all a part of surviving life.

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