My Truth
So many times I have come on here to write and rewrite this one blog all because I did not know if I am truly ready to let out my truth about my life at this moment. Its crazy because you never really acknowledge the fear you have about being real real until thats the only thing you can do. Well today I have to be honest and transparent about what is really going on in my world and why #SurvivingLife is so essential for me.
Well I have been unhappy for awhile, but I did not know if it was just internal or if it was over all just in life. Truthfully, for me it has been a lot of things and one of the biggest things is my growing pains. I have been going through and evolving/elevation period the past year and half I would say because I truly noticed it all while I was pregnant. I saw many vision of things that was the grand scale of me and what I am supposed to be doing.
But with all that being said, I noticed that I had outgrown some things and people; meaning that I had lost me, but now I am finding the more evolved me. Funny thing is the last time I started elevating like this I was turning 29 and this year I am turning 33. My 29th year, I embarked on the life being someone's wife and a bonus mother, while trying to heal from being in a relationship that was not any kind of good to my life. I was battered and bruised from all I endured mentally, physically, and emotionally with this individual. I found myself latching on to whoever that gave me an ounce of hope in something different, but I did not allow myself to heal. Which in the end turned out to be one of the worst things I could have done.
I thought I had everything I ever wanted now and truthfully I had what I made myself think was what I wanted. I legit never realized that I was changing and things were shifting in my life; because I noticed every thing that made me feeling less than I wanted, but I was AFRAID to walk away. So time goes on and I am realizing that I have LOST ME in the midst of trying to be what everyone else wanted and needed me to be. Thinking outgrowing someone is a failure instead of thinking it's time to adjust, make some shifts.
I have so many things I have honestly outgrown because I started healing; see HEALING can cause a type of shifting that will have you questioning everything around you and wondering what in the world has happened to me? Well I am here to tell you that change will happen when you are in that place of I am truly unhappy with how I look, feel, and I need something to give..
For me, it started in myself and then overflowed into my marriage; sadly my marriage is coming to an end, but it's not because we do not love each other, but we have outgrown one another. We have been off and on for 13 years and in the course of that it's been all about her needs, I've catered and I've made her the priority she needed to be. But it seems that over that time I was not that to her, now granted this is MY TRUTH, MY FEELINGS, & MY THOUGHTS; she does not see things this way and everyone experiences the same situations differently. I have come to a place of acknowledging and owning my own FEELINGS. I want peace, my happiness, and to continue to be GREAT. I can no longer carry everything for everyone else. I have to do what's best for me.
Starting over with a 1 year old maybe scary, but I am ready.
Until next, I'm truly #SurvivingLife
-Jess Lore'al
Well I have been unhappy for awhile, but I did not know if it was just internal or if it was over all just in life. Truthfully, for me it has been a lot of things and one of the biggest things is my growing pains. I have been going through and evolving/elevation period the past year and half I would say because I truly noticed it all while I was pregnant. I saw many vision of things that was the grand scale of me and what I am supposed to be doing.
But with all that being said, I noticed that I had outgrown some things and people; meaning that I had lost me, but now I am finding the more evolved me. Funny thing is the last time I started elevating like this I was turning 29 and this year I am turning 33. My 29th year, I embarked on the life being someone's wife and a bonus mother, while trying to heal from being in a relationship that was not any kind of good to my life. I was battered and bruised from all I endured mentally, physically, and emotionally with this individual. I found myself latching on to whoever that gave me an ounce of hope in something different, but I did not allow myself to heal. Which in the end turned out to be one of the worst things I could have done.
I thought I had everything I ever wanted now and truthfully I had what I made myself think was what I wanted. I legit never realized that I was changing and things were shifting in my life; because I noticed every thing that made me feeling less than I wanted, but I was AFRAID to walk away. So time goes on and I am realizing that I have LOST ME in the midst of trying to be what everyone else wanted and needed me to be. Thinking outgrowing someone is a failure instead of thinking it's time to adjust, make some shifts.
I have so many things I have honestly outgrown because I started healing; see HEALING can cause a type of shifting that will have you questioning everything around you and wondering what in the world has happened to me? Well I am here to tell you that change will happen when you are in that place of I am truly unhappy with how I look, feel, and I need something to give..
For me, it started in myself and then overflowed into my marriage; sadly my marriage is coming to an end, but it's not because we do not love each other, but we have outgrown one another. We have been off and on for 13 years and in the course of that it's been all about her needs, I've catered and I've made her the priority she needed to be. But it seems that over that time I was not that to her, now granted this is MY TRUTH, MY FEELINGS, & MY THOUGHTS; she does not see things this way and everyone experiences the same situations differently. I have come to a place of acknowledging and owning my own FEELINGS. I want peace, my happiness, and to continue to be GREAT. I can no longer carry everything for everyone else. I have to do what's best for me.
Starting over with a 1 year old maybe scary, but I am ready.
Until next, I'm truly #SurvivingLife
-Jess Lore'al
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