Traumas// Triggers
So in life we all experience things and go through pain differently, and we never allow ourselves to truly process somethings that have been or are still very traumatic/triggering to us. I have had so many different things that have triggered me or been traumatic and now I am finding ways to express/process them.
Recently, I realized that have somethings that I may need to process so that people who read my blogs may actually see they can survive this too. So here goes my truth on trauma...
Since I was 15 I have dealt with getting unwanted attention from men and women, it was so hard for me to be me and accept my beauty. Boys use to lie and say they slept with me and have my name all in the locker rooms. I experienced guys trapping in me in the hallway because they wanted something from me they knew I was not willing to give but yet they tried to get me anyway.
I remember one time I was walking down the hall in a dress for picture day and I was picked up and slammed against lockers so he could cop a feel. I never felt so objectified in my life and the result of these things happening I use to try and cover myself up. I hated to wear anything that showed of my shape or that showed that I was no longer classified as having the body of a little girl. I hated being looked at and sexualized but for some reason all anyone saw was that.
The trauma from high school causes a lot of pain still today because I can be triggered by someone looking at me and complimenting how I look in an outfit; it will take me to how guys automatically wanted SEX from me. I feel that recently I have tried not to equate the two because what happened then has nothing to do with now and then I ask myself why does that cause me to think of the bad times?
To answer that is because those times ruined the thought of being complimented and it being a pure genuine compliment. I find that now when someone compliments my everything I have to stop my brain from saying they are wanting sex that is why they said that; to thinking say thank you and keep moving. I am learning daily in my process that I cannot allow my past to affect what is going on now. I am constantly healing from a lot now because I have decided to open up and talk about my trauma.
Trauma is something that we can heal from, but sometimes things can trigger traumatic things we never really realized were that traumatic. But in the process we should remember to either talk about it in that moment or write it out because it helps HEAL the pain.
But as always until next time, I will still be out here #SurvivingLife
-Jess Lore'al
Recently, I realized that have somethings that I may need to process so that people who read my blogs may actually see they can survive this too. So here goes my truth on trauma...
Since I was 15 I have dealt with getting unwanted attention from men and women, it was so hard for me to be me and accept my beauty. Boys use to lie and say they slept with me and have my name all in the locker rooms. I experienced guys trapping in me in the hallway because they wanted something from me they knew I was not willing to give but yet they tried to get me anyway.
I remember one time I was walking down the hall in a dress for picture day and I was picked up and slammed against lockers so he could cop a feel. I never felt so objectified in my life and the result of these things happening I use to try and cover myself up. I hated to wear anything that showed of my shape or that showed that I was no longer classified as having the body of a little girl. I hated being looked at and sexualized but for some reason all anyone saw was that.
The trauma from high school causes a lot of pain still today because I can be triggered by someone looking at me and complimenting how I look in an outfit; it will take me to how guys automatically wanted SEX from me. I feel that recently I have tried not to equate the two because what happened then has nothing to do with now and then I ask myself why does that cause me to think of the bad times?
To answer that is because those times ruined the thought of being complimented and it being a pure genuine compliment. I find that now when someone compliments my everything I have to stop my brain from saying they are wanting sex that is why they said that; to thinking say thank you and keep moving. I am learning daily in my process that I cannot allow my past to affect what is going on now. I am constantly healing from a lot now because I have decided to open up and talk about my trauma.
Trauma is something that we can heal from, but sometimes things can trigger traumatic things we never really realized were that traumatic. But in the process we should remember to either talk about it in that moment or write it out because it helps HEAL the pain.
But as always until next time, I will still be out here #SurvivingLife
-Jess Lore'al
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