Process of Release

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Today started off way too rough for me and I literally fell apart. I had a breakdown that I really did not know where from and why now; but I can tell you it was a deep and sorrowful cry. I know I have been on this healing journey and I have been doing this journey very publicly because that's the way I was lead to do it, being that others can see whatever they face they can overcome.

Well today, I will be honest felt like a day that the negative was going to win, and I mean beat me up and win win. I had no desire of doing anything at all today, because the life was sucked out of me before I even woke up this morning. It's like I woke up fighting a battle that I was set up to lose. But I guess the enemy forget who i was because I did for a second.

I worked out thinking that would help me, it did until I hit my house and I felt the combative energy I walked into. I had been trying not to allow it to affect me, but it hit me so hard that I lost it. And all I felt was the burning hot tears streaming down my face at that point. I walked away but I felt worse and worse; which only made me cry and cry some more. 

The crying could not/would not stop, I was covering my face sobbing in a corner in my room. Trying to gather myself I literally ran a hot bath, put Eucalyptus and Spearmint in it, allowed myself to just cry and release. Wait RELEASE!

That's what it was a great release of so many things, I mean I have been healing and smiling through this healing, but there comes a point in the journey where you have to allow yourself to release. I have yet to release a lot of the things I have been processing except for the negative energy, but the mourning or grieving that comes with letting go; I did not allow myself to have.

Today I had no choice, because GOD stopped me dead in my tracks and said "Release! Let it out and once it's done cleanse everything"; crazy how in the beginning I had actually broke down because of the combativeness I came home to, but in the end it became a good thing. Lately, every negative that would try to stop me dead in my tracks turned into positivity because God found away to show me the silver linings.

Going through all this has really been a big thing for me because I truly forget sometimes that I am still human and that I am allowed to have moments, I am allowed to have a moment to truly let my emotions get through all I'm feeling and then move forward, and I am allowed to grieve things as I am letting them go. Because my tears helps me cleanse my emotional life especially when I have been so heavy the past few weeks breaking down what's to come in my journey.

We have to remember that in life we will have a moment where we will be crying for reason and cannot stop because in the midst of the tears the emotion and feeling has shifted to something totally different. Do not try and stop it, just yield to it and allow it to free you of things you may not know you were still holding onto because in life some situations can mirror feelings of other situations.

For me, the situation in my marriage mirrors the relationship between my father and I; which is something that truly depresses me in my life. It has caused me much hurt, pain, and abandonment. If I want to really be honest, this is where all my body dysmorphia, rejection, feeling unwanted, and unloved came from; it stems from a place DEEP in the pit of my childhood that I never go back to, but now I think I must because it's time for me to let it out because it might help someone else. 

This journey is nowhere near over but I will stay focus

and has keep on #SurvivingLife

-Jess Lore'al

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