Hey... I'm Alive...

Man, it's been forever since I came in this blog and just wrote down my feelings and talked through the many thoughts in my head. When I say many thoughts, I mean many thoughts going on in my mind because baby, life has been life-in. Where do I begin.... I really do not know how I have gone this long without sitting down and writing out my thoughts and emotions. So let's begin...

So last time I checked in I was talking about accepting my daughter having autism and how I was processing all that. Well I want you to know that I have accepted it fully, and let's be clear that I was always getting my daughter all the help she needed to be successful before they said anything about autism. So it was never me not getting her help and being in denial, it was more of me understanding that my advocacy for my child had to be a lot more and deeper because I will be the only one that can get her what she needs in life. So in that area, my daughter is getting better and saying more words; she is growing tremendously and I love watching her develop more and more each day. 

Being an autism mom has been something that was hard to do because honestly there is so much you have to learn and you also have to have tremendous patience to handle the different things that happen. There is times that I literally have breakdowns because she is overly stimulated and cannot handle her emotions. Being her mother I have to find ways that I can help her learn while I also learn how to help her through this. I love every minute of this new journey we are on because everyday we learn together on how we will handle this thing called life with her autism. Now do not get me wrong my daughter is not her disability or super power, she literally is stronger than all that. I have taught her so much about independence and how to communicate; we do not lean on the disability we lean on her AWESOMENESS.

So moving on to the other things that I am facing.... I have gone to the hospital, I have been under investigation, and ultimately I lost my job. Oh and I also went through/still going through a break up; which that part is hard because I miss her terribly. So let's break all this down right now because I have so much in my brain that I might need to break this into several post... Sigh.. yeah life has been really life-in...

Okay so starting with me going to the hospital, man I was in extreme pain in my lower back. I was having an extreme muscle spasm in my lower back and down my right side. I could not stand for long, I could barely walk around honestly which is really crazy, and then they put me on steroids which helped fix one problem but made another problem extremely worse. I was in pain dealing with my other health issues that were getting worse because of stress that I was dealing with. So my hospital visit was short lived but the aftermath of everything was not. I am still dealing with all that so I will keep you posted on that front.

Now let's get to what I am currently dealing with and trying to come out of. I was under investigation at my job for going live while I was teaching my class. And before you ask questions, no I did not show any students, no I was not degrading them, and no I was not doing anything to harm them. One time I was reviewing multiplication, such as strategies and having them go over the academic vocabulary, and another time I was teaching division to the class. So that day when I was live so many people came in the live some with positivity and A LOT with negativity; well one of those humans decided to call my district and report me. Not only did they put in allegations against me, false ones at that but they went through my whole social media and screenshot a lot of things in my personal life. I had an investigation interview and in the interview it felt like they were trying to assassinate my character. I cried my eyes out because they made me seem like a common criminal all because I was teaching 3rd grade math on TikTok Live. So a week goes by of me sitting at home waiting to know what was going on; then they finally called and I was let go. Now in this meeting, I was told the recommendation is immediate termination, no reading of policies I violated, and nothing in black and white. I honestly do not know what the allegations actually are and was never told ANYTHING about the allegations at all. I was just told you can resign or you can take the termination. So yeah... 

This has been my life lately.... but hey I have been out here still #LivingWhileSurvivingLife... until next time...

-Jess Lore'al