My Journey #LivingWhileSurvivingLife

So much has been going on around us in this world, and it's crazy how so many people suffer from Mental Health issues and no one is getting them help; especially African American children. Growing up it was taboo to even talk about anything bothering you emotionally, mentally, or even physically. It was like we were supposed to act like it did not exist or to fake it until we make it. Well I am here to tell you that is very TOXIC, UNHEALTHY behavior. Look, we as people need to take our mental health more seriously, because our mental effects everyday life truly. I have some mental health issues that I tried to ignore, but they caught up with me and started beating me at my life honestly. I have anxiety, mild case of depression, and I might actually be dealing with postpartum. I am not ashamed of these things anymore because truthfully all people deal with things, but I am apart of the few that do not know how to cope with the things I deal with. My anxiety goes back to high...

People now a days take for granted the simple things like being able to conceive something that not all women get to do the natural way. So many struggle with this and honestly it's heartbreaking to go through. I have my own TTC journey I went through last year and though in the end I conceived my beautiful baby girl, it does not mean that my struggle was not real in the beginning.  I am a lesbian so trying to have a baby has to be done differently for me than most women; I have to go to an infertility clinic and get all these test run on me. Sadly though doing most of the ultrasounds I have to pay for them out of pocket because my insurance only pays for those if I have infertility issues. So you can imagine that I have to be financially ready for this commitment of trying to conceive and everything that comes after.  So last year, in August, my wife and I decided we wanted to start trying, not really knowing the toll this process takes on you emotionally; we started l...

I guess in life we all go through different things that can affect how we see ourselves or maybe you never really know your worth. Well I am here to say that I truly have had that challenge of self worth// self love. Many people look at me and think that I am so confident and I must have such high self esteem; but that is no where near true because I have had low self esteem and self love for awhile. It all started when I was younger, I was always teased about something. If it wasn't me being teased about my glasses, which I had been wearing since 3rd grade, I was being teased about the way I talked. I was told I was white or that I thought I was white; I couldn't stand being called white or being told that I talked like a "white" person. It was like I was an outcast for speaking properly or even just because I was very studious when I was younger. Going through all this made my self esteem take many hits, because I was not accepted for I was and I thought somet...

Thoughts overtake my mind sometimes when I think about all the different people I have encounter in my life. From elementary school on into adulthood... Surprisingly I only have a few that have made it with me all the way to this point. I guess that's because of what is on my mind tonight.... So called "Friends" praying against me... I have always been an extra friendly person and I mean really friendly; I love meeting new people and making new friends. But truthfully that's a blessing and a curse; well this one time in particular it was really a curse. I had came in contact with a female that I thought I could build a strong friendship with, get to know, and make a lot of memories. I thought I could share my life with her and have the type of friendships I am use to having with the REAL friends I have around me. Well I am here to tell you I was wrong and I mean DEAD WRONG. So long story short, I had befriend a WOLF and I mean a real WOLF in sheep's clothi...

Sooo guys, you know I am very candid with my life and I have no problem telling what I have been through. This subject here is something that I find to be a sensitive one but truthfully it's something I have dealt with and I really need to address my thoughts and this situation. It's crazy how all this played out, but I grew up in my church all my life. I experienced so many different types of teachings from a lot of different of pastors. One thing that I notice all pastors say is "Hate the sin and not the person"; which truthfully when people think about it can be taken anyway they want. I find this is where it all starts with the hypocrisy and the judgement which turns many away from God and the church. You see let's be frank, I am a Lesbian, I am married to a woman, I am also a lover of Christ or as most say it God-Fearing woman. Yes, that is a loaded statement because if you listen to these "SO CALLED CHRISTIANS" I am not of God because of my lif...

Man oh man... It's something being a mom, wife, and full time student. I literally have been up to my eye balls in all my responsibilities. I literally wake up and go; recently I added working out to the mix. Which brings up my next thing, BABY WEIGHT!!! Yess the dreaded thing that us woman I hate to gain, weight. I cannot stand gaining weight because it causes me to be really insecure about everything. How I look in my clothes, how round my face is, and watching literally everything I eat. I mean it drives me crazy that I get this insecure, but I literally feel like I do not look my best at a certain weight. So that causes a spiral that many people did not know that I faced or dealt with. So for many, exercising is just something they do to stay healthy and make sure that they are staying active; well for me I have to monitor how much I actually do it so I do not go over board. At one point in my life, when I was at my lowest, I used exercising as my addiction of choice. It he...

I'm Back.. Yess I know it's been nearly 6 months since my last post and lord knows I have been through so much and I needed to get back to my true love writing this blog. So I guess I should start from the beginning and maybe I will be able to get you updated on how I am #SurvivingLife. So as far as my beautiful baby girl, she is growing and the journey of motherhood is an amazing one. I love making memories, having pictures no one will see, and loving on her letting her know she can do whatever she puts her mind on. My daughter is amazing, she loves to be read to, and her smile is amazing; she does not know it but she motivates me to be great. So in other news, I finally addressed all my issues with my father. But it was not as easy as I am making it seem. This conversation came after some anger and hurt that I never thought I would let out in my life. AND to my surprise he heard every word I said. He listened and made me feel a lot better. Since that day, I will say tha...