My Journey #LivingWhileSurvivingLife

So many nights we overthink our days and we spent most of our time stressing about things we cannot fix or explain. We have so many outside things that go on that add on to our everyday struggles and worries. We start to either stress eat, become very anxious, or it starts to depress us. Stressing becomes so normal that we do not notice that we are stressed out, or that we have become overwhelmed with everything. As people, we do not ever figure out how to process life or to cope with those things we seem to not be able to handle. Well for me, I found writing was the key. Expressing feelings and making sure I got them off my mind and on paper made me free from the thoughts/ anxiety that took over me. Stress for me caused so many problems that I had to learn how to handle it before it handled me. I was a poetry writer, well I am still a poetry writer I just keep that part of me to myself. I loved to write poems based off my feelings and what had me feeling a way because it gave me...

I am not okay.. The "I'm okay" button inside me is broken today and probably will not work tomorrow either. It's all catching up to me, literally everything, every emotion under the sun. I am losing my sense of understanding about things. I am starting to wonder if I really was okay before everything happened or if I have just been piling things on top of each other. On some days, you can go through the motions and continue to tell people "I'm fine", "Yeah I'm okay" and they can believe it until that one day they ask and those statements do not come of that way. Yes, today is that day for me. I am trying to say those phrases convincingly but I seem to be failing miserably. So much has hit me all at once today from so many angles that I literally feel myself trying to #SurviveLife. My anxiety and my emotions are all over the place, while my thoughts take over in my mind, then the tears come and do not stop. All the while I continue to tr...

So much has been going on around us in this world, and it's crazy how so many people suffer from Mental Health issues and no one is getting them help; especially African American children. Growing up it was taboo to even talk about anything bothering you emotionally, mentally, or even physically. It was like we were supposed to act like it did not exist or to fake it until we make it. Well I am here to tell you that is very TOXIC, UNHEALTHY behavior. Look, we as people need to take our mental health more seriously, because our mental effects everyday life truly. I have some mental health issues that I tried to ignore, but they caught up with me and started beating me at my life honestly. I have anxiety, mild case of depression, and I might actually be dealing with postpartum. I am not ashamed of these things anymore because truthfully all people deal with things, but I am apart of the few that do not know how to cope with the things I deal with. My anxiety goes back to high...

People now a days take for granted the simple things like being able to conceive something that not all women get to do the natural way. So many struggle with this and honestly it's heartbreaking to go through. I have my own TTC journey I went through last year and though in the end I conceived my beautiful baby girl, it does not mean that my struggle was not real in the beginning.  I am a lesbian so trying to have a baby has to be done differently for me than most women; I have to go to an infertility clinic and get all these test run on me. Sadly though doing most of the ultrasounds I have to pay for them out of pocket because my insurance only pays for those if I have infertility issues. So you can imagine that I have to be financially ready for this commitment of trying to conceive and everything that comes after.  So last year, in August, my wife and I decided we wanted to start trying, not really knowing the toll this process takes on you emotionally; we started l...

I guess in life we all go through different things that can affect how we see ourselves or maybe you never really know your worth. Well I am here to say that I truly have had that challenge of self worth// self love. Many people look at me and think that I am so confident and I must have such high self esteem; but that is no where near true because I have had low self esteem and self love for awhile. It all started when I was younger, I was always teased about something. If it wasn't me being teased about my glasses, which I had been wearing since 3rd grade, I was being teased about the way I talked. I was told I was white or that I thought I was white; I couldn't stand being called white or being told that I talked like a "white" person. It was like I was an outcast for speaking properly or even just because I was very studious when I was younger. Going through all this made my self esteem take many hits, because I was not accepted for I was and I thought somet...

Thoughts overtake my mind sometimes when I think about all the different people I have encounter in my life. From elementary school on into adulthood... Surprisingly I only have a few that have made it with me all the way to this point. I guess that's because of what is on my mind tonight.... So called "Friends" praying against me... I have always been an extra friendly person and I mean really friendly; I love meeting new people and making new friends. But truthfully that's a blessing and a curse; well this one time in particular it was really a curse. I had came in contact with a female that I thought I could build a strong friendship with, get to know, and make a lot of memories. I thought I could share my life with her and have the type of friendships I am use to having with the REAL friends I have around me. Well I am here to tell you I was wrong and I mean DEAD WRONG. So long story short, I had befriend a WOLF and I mean a real WOLF in sheep's clothi...

Sooo guys, you know I am very candid with my life and I have no problem telling what I have been through. This subject here is something that I find to be a sensitive one but truthfully it's something I have dealt with and I really need to address my thoughts and this situation. It's crazy how all this played out, but I grew up in my church all my life. I experienced so many different types of teachings from a lot of different of pastors. One thing that I notice all pastors say is "Hate the sin and not the person"; which truthfully when people think about it can be taken anyway they want. I find this is where it all starts with the hypocrisy and the judgement which turns many away from God and the church. You see let's be frank, I am a Lesbian, I am married to a woman, I am also a lover of Christ or as most say it God-Fearing woman. Yes, that is a loaded statement because if you listen to these "SO CALLED CHRISTIANS" I am not of God because of my lif...