My Journey #LivingWhileSurvivingLife

Man oh man... It's something being a mom, wife, and full time student. I literally have been up to my eye balls in all my responsibilities. I literally wake up and go; recently I added working out to the mix. Which brings up my next thing, BABY WEIGHT!!! Yess the dreaded thing that us woman I hate to gain, weight. I cannot stand gaining weight because it causes me to be really insecure about everything. How I look in my clothes, how round my face is, and watching literally everything I eat. I mean it drives me crazy that I get this insecure, but I literally feel like I do not look my best at a certain weight. So that causes a spiral that many people did not know that I faced or dealt with. So for many, exercising is just something they do to stay healthy and make sure that they are staying active; well for me I have to monitor how much I actually do it so I do not go over board. At one point in my life, when I was at my lowest, I used exercising as my addiction of choice. It he...

I'm Back.. Yess I know it's been nearly 6 months since my last post and lord knows I have been through so much and I needed to get back to my true love writing this blog. So I guess I should start from the beginning and maybe I will be able to get you updated on how I am #SurvivingLife. So as far as my beautiful baby girl, she is growing and the journey of motherhood is an amazing one. I love making memories, having pictures no one will see, and loving on her letting her know she can do whatever she puts her mind on. My daughter is amazing, she loves to be read to, and her smile is amazing; she does not know it but she motivates me to be great. So in other news, I finally addressed all my issues with my father. But it was not as easy as I am making it seem. This conversation came after some anger and hurt that I never thought I would let out in my life. AND to my surprise he heard every word I said. He listened and made me feel a lot better. Since that day, I will say tha...

Well I am back with another entry, but I must be honest that I am not doing well #SurvivingLife at this time. My day to day life is going well and my baby is doing well (I just love her so much); but mentally yesterday was a really bad day. I guess because I sat back and started thinking about somethings I kind of broke apart. So now I need to process it the only way I know how; by writing it all here. Here goes... So I had mentioned before I am experiencing some daddy issues, but I finally really thought about it all and now my hurt might just be turning into anger. So I have been calling him, no answers, no text messages, and no return calls; but TODAY he texts me and it was so generic. The text read "Hey Big Girl, Sorry dad has been hit or miss will call you today." No real reason why he's ignoring me, no real apology, just he's normal bullshit of pushing things under the rug. So I did not feed into it, but I just thought to myself, wow my dad really does not c...

Man, what a 3 weeks I have been having with a newborn, school, and being a wife. Yes, life has went from simple to hectic slightly, but for the most part it has been okay. My newborn sleeps well and she does not keep me up all night which is a blessing, and I am able have some normalcy in life; but at the same time this whole journey is new, exciting, but very hard. So everyone talks about the "baby blues" or postpartum, which when you hear about it can cause so much panic and anxiety. Because I have my own mental health issues that I have dealt with in the past. So to get ahead of it I got a therapist, which truthfully ended up helping with some other things that I did not know was affecting me. So let's get to it... I am not having the scary postpartum thoughts, but I am have been slightly in my feelings about things dealing with my family. Well truthfully, things dealing with my father... He does not realize that his actions hurt me and how him not wanting to be ac...

Well hello again, So let's dive into the things that have overlooked processing; YES you guessed it the biggest death I have ever faced in my life, MY PARENT'S DIVORCE. You see I have avoided really voicing how I feel about this situation because I honestly have tried to keep my mind on other things; well today I think I am ready to just let it all out. Let's start from the beginning, I have mentioned before that my relationship with my father and mother was strained at some points in my life, but truthfully my father thinks of me as an issue because of my lifestyle. He always tried to make it seem like everything was good and he had no problems with anything but that was all a lie. In time, I started to see that being a "Daddy's Girl" was a figment of my imagination and it was something I thought was true but honestly it never was. So October of 2018 came and my mother called me letting me know that my father had asked for a divorce. But not long after ...

Hey guys, I know I have been MIA and lord so much has been going on around me. I have been through trying to conceive, actually getting pregnant, and now I am a mother of a beautiful baby girl. So I am know you are wondering how it all happened and what is going on; I guess I will start from the beginning and yes I have some mental health things that I have dealt with a long the way. So here's how everything happened, I have always wanted to be a mother and experience the journey of carrying a child because I have mentioned before I am a bonus mom, which I love being. But from that it still had me desiring more than just that; so my wife and I went on the hunt to become a mother. With all that I did a lot of research and found the greatest donor to help make this dream come true. But with that came some complications because in the process of trying to do all this I had a death in the family in more than one way. Death one was my parent's marriage (which is an entry of it...

Soo have you ever felt like you need so many mental health days that you cannot find the time for. Man, I am going to let you in on a little secret; that's where I am at right now. I mean I have been breaking down so much that has gone on in my life these past few months and now I am seeing things I did not allow myself to see before. It's like having blinders removed from my eyes, mind, and heart; I have been really seeking to see the people around me for who they really are. Sometimes you should be careful and mentally ready for what you ask for. I have been breaking down how I have been functioning in friendships and how people in friendships with me have been functioning; I'm starting to notice a major difference with a lot of friends. It's crazy to me though because they way I treat people is exactly how I wished people would treat me. But sadly, a lot of my "Friends" are selfish human beings; which brings me to why I needed another mental health day. ...