My Journey #LivingWhileSurvivingLife

Thoughts overtake my mind sometimes when I think about all the different people I have encounter in my life. From elementary school on into adulthood... Surprisingly I only have a few that have made it with me all the way to this point. I guess that's because of what is on my mind tonight.... So called "Friends" praying against me... I have always been an extra friendly person and I mean really friendly; I love meeting new people and making new friends. But truthfully that's a blessing and a curse; well this one time in particular it was really a curse. I had came in contact with a female that I thought I could build a strong friendship with, get to know, and make a lot of memories. I thought I could share my life with her and have the type of friendships I am use to having with the REAL friends I have around me. Well I am here to tell you I was wrong and I mean DEAD WRONG. So long story short, I had befriend a WOLF and I mean a real WOLF in sheep's clothi...

Sooo guys, you know I am very candid with my life and I have no problem telling what I have been through. This subject here is something that I find to be a sensitive one but truthfully it's something I have dealt with and I really need to address my thoughts and this situation. It's crazy how all this played out, but I grew up in my church all my life. I experienced so many different types of teachings from a lot of different of pastors. One thing that I notice all pastors say is "Hate the sin and not the person"; which truthfully when people think about it can be taken anyway they want. I find this is where it all starts with the hypocrisy and the judgement which turns many away from God and the church. You see let's be frank, I am a Lesbian, I am married to a woman, I am also a lover of Christ or as most say it God-Fearing woman. Yes, that is a loaded statement because if you listen to these "SO CALLED CHRISTIANS" I am not of God because of my lif...

Man oh man... It's something being a mom, wife, and full time student. I literally have been up to my eye balls in all my responsibilities. I literally wake up and go; recently I added working out to the mix. Which brings up my next thing, BABY WEIGHT!!! Yess the dreaded thing that us woman I hate to gain, weight. I cannot stand gaining weight because it causes me to be really insecure about everything. How I look in my clothes, how round my face is, and watching literally everything I eat. I mean it drives me crazy that I get this insecure, but I literally feel like I do not look my best at a certain weight. So that causes a spiral that many people did not know that I faced or dealt with. So for many, exercising is just something they do to stay healthy and make sure that they are staying active; well for me I have to monitor how much I actually do it so I do not go over board. At one point in my life, when I was at my lowest, I used exercising as my addiction of choice. It he...

I'm Back.. Yess I know it's been nearly 6 months since my last post and lord knows I have been through so much and I needed to get back to my true love writing this blog. So I guess I should start from the beginning and maybe I will be able to get you updated on how I am #SurvivingLife. So as far as my beautiful baby girl, she is growing and the journey of motherhood is an amazing one. I love making memories, having pictures no one will see, and loving on her letting her know she can do whatever she puts her mind on. My daughter is amazing, she loves to be read to, and her smile is amazing; she does not know it but she motivates me to be great. So in other news, I finally addressed all my issues with my father. But it was not as easy as I am making it seem. This conversation came after some anger and hurt that I never thought I would let out in my life. AND to my surprise he heard every word I said. He listened and made me feel a lot better. Since that day, I will say tha...

Well I am back with another entry, but I must be honest that I am not doing well #SurvivingLife at this time. My day to day life is going well and my baby is doing well (I just love her so much); but mentally yesterday was a really bad day. I guess because I sat back and started thinking about somethings I kind of broke apart. So now I need to process it the only way I know how; by writing it all here. Here goes... So I had mentioned before I am experiencing some daddy issues, but I finally really thought about it all and now my hurt might just be turning into anger. So I have been calling him, no answers, no text messages, and no return calls; but TODAY he texts me and it was so generic. The text read "Hey Big Girl, Sorry dad has been hit or miss will call you today." No real reason why he's ignoring me, no real apology, just he's normal bullshit of pushing things under the rug. So I did not feed into it, but I just thought to myself, wow my dad really does not c...

Man, what a 3 weeks I have been having with a newborn, school, and being a wife. Yes, life has went from simple to hectic slightly, but for the most part it has been okay. My newborn sleeps well and she does not keep me up all night which is a blessing, and I am able have some normalcy in life; but at the same time this whole journey is new, exciting, but very hard. So everyone talks about the "baby blues" or postpartum, which when you hear about it can cause so much panic and anxiety. Because I have my own mental health issues that I have dealt with in the past. So to get ahead of it I got a therapist, which truthfully ended up helping with some other things that I did not know was affecting me. So let's get to it... I am not having the scary postpartum thoughts, but I am have been slightly in my feelings about things dealing with my family. Well truthfully, things dealing with my father... He does not realize that his actions hurt me and how him not wanting to be ac...

Well hello again, So let's dive into the things that have overlooked processing; YES you guessed it the biggest death I have ever faced in my life, MY PARENT'S DIVORCE. You see I have avoided really voicing how I feel about this situation because I honestly have tried to keep my mind on other things; well today I think I am ready to just let it all out. Let's start from the beginning, I have mentioned before that my relationship with my father and mother was strained at some points in my life, but truthfully my father thinks of me as an issue because of my lifestyle. He always tried to make it seem like everything was good and he had no problems with anything but that was all a lie. In time, I started to see that being a "Daddy's Girl" was a figment of my imagination and it was something I thought was true but honestly it never was. So October of 2018 came and my mother called me letting me know that my father had asked for a divorce. But not long after ...