My Journey #LivingWhileSurvivingLife

So many times I have come on here to write and rewrite this one blog all because I did not know if I am truly ready to let out my truth about my life at this moment. Its crazy because you never really acknowledge the fear you have about being real real until thats the only thing you can do. Well today I have to be honest and transparent about what is really going on in my world and why #SurvivingLife is so essential for me. Well I have been unhappy for awhile, but I did not know if it was just internal or if it was over all just in life. Truthfully, for me it has been a lot of things and one of the biggest things is my growing pains. I have been going through and evolving/elevation period the past year and half I would say because I truly noticed it all while I was pregnant. I saw many vision of things that was the grand scale of me and what I am supposed to be doing. But with all that being said, I noticed that I had outgrown some things and people; meaning that I had lost me, but...

You ever sit back and watch your surroundings and wonder why the rain never stops, but then a shift happens... You know all of a sudden peace overtakes you in a way that you think the storm is over but truthfully you just made it to the center of the storm... Well recently, I think I found my peace in the midst of the storm.. or am I just in a Perfect Hurricane... See I have been going through HELL and I mean literally HELL mentally because I have been processing emotions that I did not even realize that I felt. But everything started bubbling up to the surface because I was faced with some real truths in my family that I never thought about, but in that process it put a microscope in my household. So many things started to surface that I legit never thought bothered me but as I started to process deeper, longer, and be real with myself I found that I have been in denial for many years. I have made it seem like what everyone else wanted was okay and that my feelings did not matter ...

Hey hey hey..... It's been so long since I sat down and wrote in this blog of mine. But this quarantine has been no joke; like literally no freaking joke.. I have been battling many thoughts, feelings, emotions, and even I have been trying to figure out whats going on in my own space and around me that I have really not been in that place of sharing my experiences. I honestly feel myself shutting down because life, man, life has been something. I guess with all happening in the world with #BlackLivesMatter I have been avoiding how much my life matters. I mean truthfully, I have been drowning in so much that I literally forgot I truly have a lot messing with my mental. Now the question is: Where do I begin? Well here goes nothing.... I have been dealing with so much on my mental. It's like I forgot how to process things so that I do not know when I am coming or going most days. I feel that in this time in my life I have been hanging on by a thread to whatever I can. ...

Being in the house, you seem to think about everything and you start notice different things. I feel this pandemic has shown me a lot about people, Faith, and just life. You see your circumstances and what you are facing, then you look around and notice that you are the one ALWAYS reaching out and no one is reaching out to you. In some cases you make exceptions because some people are facing things that they never reveal. But then there are those "FRIENDS" that literally only text when you text and you wonder whats really up.. Like are we really friends or are we just friends when we are around each other? I guess because of everything I have been through I find it very easy now to fall back from people when they start to move funny. I am never hard up for people because I am starting to think if you fall off then it's because you were not supposed to be around in the first place. Then I am seeing that all the "God got you" "Just call on the Lord" ...

So the world is going through a pandemic and it's been really crazy all around all of us. During this time a lot of people are facing many different challenges from Mental, Financial, and Grief. But yet people are still not following the guidelines being set for social distancing.. I think people do not realize that even though this may not affect them directly it is affecting many people. I want to be real candid today and open up about things I normally do not because I want people to really get why this pandemic is not a joke for the world. So I am a military spouse, military is essential and they get no days off from putting their lives at risk for the well-being of others. But you see my spouse is auto-immune compromised and if someone who is sick with the smallest of things, my wife will be down for the count. So you could imagine how much I worry about her being exposed to this virus because it could change my life for the worst. We have an 8 month old child that I do no...

So crazy thought I had today is "People will see the REAL you before you will ACKNOWLEDGE the REAL you" Basically saying that a person can truly love you for who really are even when you do not know who you really are. That's a crazy thought isn't it?! Yes I know, you ask how is that possible, well think about it your parents are a prime example of someone loving you for who you really are without you even knowing who you are. I bring this up because I have had many people come in and out my life and only get to know the person I show, but never learned anything about the woman I am beneath the surface. Well I had a one person that showed me this acknowledgement and 3 years ago he passed away. Today I decided to talk about a friendship that I have been having a hard time to put into words since he passed because this death was a hard one and I mean really hard one. On this very day, he was laid to rest and I think it's time to tell the world how he always ha...

It's been a minute since I sat in front of this laptop to write about any topic at all. Well life has been really kicking butt lately and last week was the week of demon hell; Lord knows I truly was not ready for it. So here goes the story of my nightmare: I woke up Monday morning to do my normal things I do everyday; I got dressed, got my daughter dressed, then took her to back to my room to hang with my wife while I got her breakfast ready. Well in the few minutes of me being downstairs my child fell off my high bed and fell on the floor. I heard the screaming and I panicked. Well long story long this started the whole feeling of being the "Worst Mother" ever; my daughter's eye wasn't opening. So we took her to the Emergency room, I am trying not to cry, and my wife is doing the same. We get there and they look at her then do a CT on her head. All that to tell me my daughter has a fracture in her skull and now we have to be transferred to the hospital for ...