My Journey #LivingWhileSurvivingLife

In life, we have so many people that come across our paths that teach us things in one of two ways; one is giving us wisdom and knowledge, then the other is by taking us through something that teaches us a lesson. With both ways we gain so much more insight and wisdom, but we fail to appreciate the wisdom because of how it came, who it came from, and what we had to go through to get that wisdom.  I have gained so much in my life that I find it so funny how people react when I say that I grew up with 13 grandparents; yes I said 13 grandparents that I learned a lot from over the course of life. Some were around for years and others were only around for a little while but they imparted so much in me that some of my characteristics are from them. There is a meme that I saw one day that said something along of getting wisdom from your elders and the little girl was sitting at her grandmother's feet; well I was that little girl. My life consisted of me always being with my grandparents a...

Appreciation means  recognition and enjoyment of the good qualities of someone or something; now that we have the textbook definition of the word, let's talk about what it means in real life. It means to show someone how much you care, love, and how much you are grateful for them; appreciation makes people feel better and sometimes it gives people a feeling that they probably have not felt ever. But sometimes we forget to show that appreciation to ourselves as well, so that is something that I have been trying to get my self-love back to a great place. I realized that during my healing I was longing for a love that I could not get from anywhere but myself. I truthfully did not know where to begin with that being that I have never really witness anyone loving themselves more than whatever they were going through. Self- Love is something that comes in many different ways, its preserving your peace, removing yourself from toxic situations, and it's even loving you unconditionally....

 After releasing so much heavy stuff you have to get yourself back to a place of love, peace, and appreciation of how far you have come. In healing it gets so heavy that at times we forget the beauty in who were are and how great life has been besides those moments that brought us so much pain.  Appreciation seems to be something that a lot of people have a hard time with especially when needing to express it to others and ourselves. We forget to appreciate what we have done, overcome, and even accomplished in life; because we have been conditioned that it's not important to show love to oneself or those around for what they have done. Well that is wrong thinking because truthfully we need that recharge from within and around to help us do better and to keep going. Lately in my own personal journey, I realized that I have not been recharging myself or even giving myself that type of appreciation that is needed that I know that I am doing a great job and to keep pushing. So I m...

 I have been really dreading having to write this and really talk about some stuff that I have been through that I have yet to release. I have faced so many things in life that sometimes I forget that I am no longer that person, but at the same time I have to truly and honestly forgive that person. I sometimes still feel the hurt of things I feel like I caused in my life and even though I have healed from it I still seem to get emotional or hurt behind it because I need to release it all. So I am just warning you this will be a VERY LONG release. I honestly do not know where to begin, because anywhere I start I feel it will be heavier than what I want it to be and I am going to honestly be balling my eyes out because I really need all this off of me. So I am going to start from the beginning... I need to release the feelings of anger and hatred toward two of my cousins who literally took my innocence from me and made me feel that sex is not a thing of pleasure or for desire, it's a...

Grief is something that has been hard for me to process and I have held on to the hurt for many years. I have experienced some really hard deaths in my life, but there were 3 that were life changing for me. I never thought the fact of me holding on to these deaths would have affected me the way they have; but truthfully they have. Death 1: My Granny Granny, Ira Mae Davis My granny granny literally was my world, she was there for all my hurt, and she loved me through my pain. She was the one person that always knew just what I needed to hear and she was the woman who taught me that God is truly the only one to fear. I have the greatest memories with my great grandmother, it was like she was my first best friend. I know that the woman I am today is because of her, I learned about God, cooking, cleaning, and even how to be strong and make it through whatever I face. I cried to my granny about life, my parents, and just because; so when things in her health took I turn my life took a turn....

 Many people in life deal with having issues with their father, but a lot of those people deal with them because that individual was not presence or whatever their story may be; but for myself my father was there, I just feel I was never wanted by him. It's hard to grow up around a man and watch him love, cherish, and adore your siblings, but act as if you are a burden, don't exist, and do not deserve love. I have so many childhood memories that bring hurt, pain, and anger to my forefront that now I am realizing I need to release all of it.  My relationship with my father did not start off ideal for many reasons; he was an alcoholic. He drank more than anything in life and it was something he could not control on any level, so I thought; he enjoyed being away from the house and family more than anything. My dad never really built a bond with me that honestly I felt all little girls want and deserve. I do not have that kind of relationship with him and my siblings, well my brot...

 The title in itself is deeper than most will truly realize and might not understand that this post will be an open letter between me and myself because this is some serious baggage I must release. You ever just know something is going to be heavy before you sit down to talk about it, so you try to avoid it; well this right here is that topic and conversation for me. But as always, I am completely transparent and will be even more so tonight. So let me start this off by saying that for many years I have not truly and honestly loved myself; I did not know what that even meant until recently. I would be the first person to cut myself down before someone else could and I learned this behavior from my father because that is literally all he would do to me. He would talk about my weight, my intelligence, and my hair, oh and let me not forget he would talk about how bright I am as well.  My father would call me chubby even if I was small, which I soon developed body dysmorphia issue...