My Journey #LivingWhileSurvivingLife

Anxiety, oh boy anxiety... I have been dealing with so much anxiety and having an overwhelming feeling. I honestly can tell you that lately I do not know if I am coming or going because my mind is racing all over the place. I have really never realized how much a lot of stress and anxiety could cause me to lose it but MY GOODNESS!! So between work and my mental I have become overly anxious and I have no real clue what I thought started, but I think I know what kept it going. I have been really hating being apart of the games people play and for some reason I have become apart of a game that someone is playing. I mean I have become apart of this double standard and this weird triangle that I am not feeling at all.  I have sat back and overthought so much and most people find that overthinking is a bad thing but for me, it leads me to clarity. It leads me to what has kept me up and it shows me things that I probably would not have noticed if I was not paying close attention. I love t...

It's been awhile since I wrote and it's because I have been really busy processing emotions, work, school, and mom life. It's crazy how in time so many things come to light and you get so much clarity; and to be honest that is what has been going on for me. You see I close myself off a lot and I trauma bond with people without even realizing it; I am starting to see the error in my ways on the trauma bonding with people. Recently, I have been really allowing myself to feel all my emotions dealing with many different traumatic situations that I have never honestly dealt with. The most traumatic things in my life is losing my best friend and my uncles; BUT I think my best friend was the toughest. Recently, his brother has been communicating with me more and going down memory lane; reminiscing things that I pushed down in many ways. I guess because I never wanted to honestly admit that losing him felt like losing apart of me. He was the only person I could talk to in any mood ...

So many things have been going through my mind, like different observations about things I notice that I honestly never processed the way I am now. For instance, I have been thinking about states of mind I have been in when I have slipped into deep depressions or when I have gone into my distancing myself mode. Like have you ever sat back and really looked into why you were thinking the negative or always blaming yourself for things that truthfully probably was not really your fault or was just overthinking the situation and pushed yourself off the edge? Well, I think that I have because today in my mind I keep replaying the thoughts of being not worthy of love. Yes I said I have been thinking about the thoughts I have had about not being worthy of love. What's wild to me about the thought process I am having now is that I am seeing that I put myself in the rabbit hole of depression behind that. Because if I am honest no one told me I was not worth of love, I told myself that becau...

It's a New Year!!! Omg it's 2023 and I must say 2022 was a TOUGH chapter, but I really learned a lot. Now the real work continues (because truthfully it never stops), I have so many things that I am wanting to manifest this year and I am going to take y'all on the journey with me.  I must say that I am really excited about this next chapter of my life, I have so many great things happening for me this year that I am READY for the world to see. I feel that for so long I have been looking at the world from one side of the coin instead of looking at the fact that the coin has two sides.  You know most people only see the negative in the world and I am not going to lie I was one of those people. I mean I saw all this darkness around me, thought there was no good, fell into my depression often, and I also allowed everything negative to make me give up on everything that I wanted and was working towards. I literally fell short on things that I should not have because I allowed on...

 It's been awhile since I sat down and just wrote... I guess life seem to have taken over in the past few months and I mean took over lol. So I have so much to update on, talk about, and even make clear about what is to come in this next chapter of life.  You know I started this blog just to write out my thoughts and discuss what is going on, plus how I handle most things as I am #SurvivingLife; but lately there has been so much more to this thing called life that I want to discuss. This safe space is about to go deeper into my healing and seeing the positive that I seem not to discuss to often, because if I am honest life has a positive and negative side; we cannot always focus on the negative if we want to continue to grow.  Well.... here goes what's new.... So it's been about 5 months since I have discussed anything on here and I feel that it's because I truly flipped out this past summer mentally. I was drowning and I could not figure out why, my friendships started...

I have been really thinking more and more about my mental state; I find that when it comes to talking about my feelings I shut down. Being vulnerable is not something that is easy for me, but if I am honest I have some real things in my mental that I need to truly let out. I know at one point and time I have talked about some feelings dealing with some issues in my life, but now I see that I have to go deeper than all that. Most say that I need to write more privately but I feel that what I am dealing with and my processing can help others so this is why I share so much. With that being said, I am about to talk about some things that I have never really discussed because I feel like things are tormenting me mentally and it's time to release it. I do not see myself the way everyone sees me, I really do not see this person everyone says I am. I tear myself down all the time from the beginning of my day until the end of my day. I overthink everything, fear failure, and I even second g...

So it's been a minute since I have wrote anything in this blog and today I think it's time to write because my mental is overloaded; I guess it's time to release. Let me be transparent here, this will be a dump of so many events and emotions that I think I never really processed or expressed. I have been in a mental state for sometime but I have never really thought about how bad it was until recently because I think I like to deny how I am honestly feeling. I have been facing many different moments and lessons over again that I probably did not learn from the first time, but now I think I am learning a lot and I'm over the lessons. But here goes some transparency on another level... So I know that I touched on somethings in passing that I have been dealing with lately but I have not be going in depth about my mental; I have been really having challenging times mentally and I really do not know how to handle it at times. Yes, life happens and things go on that you canno...