My Journey #LivingWhileSurvivingLife

So in life we all experience things and go through pain differently, and we never allow ourselves to truly process somethings that have been or are still very traumatic/triggering to us. I have had so many different things that have triggered me or been traumatic and now I am finding ways to express/process them. Recently, I realized that have somethings that I may need to process so that people who read my blogs may actually see they can survive this too. So here goes my truth on trauma... Since I was 15 I have dealt with getting unwanted attention from men and women, it was so hard for me to be me and accept my beauty. Boys use to lie and say they slept with me and have my name all in the locker rooms. I experienced guys trapping in me in the hallway because they wanted something from me they knew I was not willing to give but yet they tried to get me anyway. I remember one time I was walking down the hall in a dress for picture day and I was picked up and slammed against locke...

Getting deeper into my truth, I must also speak why I have always been the person that puts herself behind everyone else. In my world, I am known as Superwoman, because I always come in and save the day no matter is going on in my life. Why do I do that you may ask? Well it's a learned behavior from the women in my life. my grandmother and my mother are those type of people and it rubbed off on me.  Over the years, I have progressively gotten worse when it comes to doing things for others and forgetting that I am a person of value and I also need what you call it, TLC. I am a person that knows how to cater well to others, but I neglect myself in many ways. Well recently, I have come to a place where I need to stop that; but it's hard to break old habits. It's so bad that when others try to take care of me, I view that as trying to find a way to control me. Yes I know you are probably thinking how is that trying to control you? Well let me explain it; I grew up in an ...

So many times I have come on here to write and rewrite this one blog all because I did not know if I am truly ready to let out my truth about my life at this moment. Its crazy because you never really acknowledge the fear you have about being real real until thats the only thing you can do. Well today I have to be honest and transparent about what is really going on in my world and why #SurvivingLife is so essential for me. Well I have been unhappy for awhile, but I did not know if it was just internal or if it was over all just in life. Truthfully, for me it has been a lot of things and one of the biggest things is my growing pains. I have been going through and evolving/elevation period the past year and half I would say because I truly noticed it all while I was pregnant. I saw many vision of things that was the grand scale of me and what I am supposed to be doing. But with all that being said, I noticed that I had outgrown some things and people; meaning that I had lost me, but...

You ever sit back and watch your surroundings and wonder why the rain never stops, but then a shift happens... You know all of a sudden peace overtakes you in a way that you think the storm is over but truthfully you just made it to the center of the storm... Well recently, I think I found my peace in the midst of the storm.. or am I just in a Perfect Hurricane... See I have been going through HELL and I mean literally HELL mentally because I have been processing emotions that I did not even realize that I felt. But everything started bubbling up to the surface because I was faced with some real truths in my family that I never thought about, but in that process it put a microscope in my household. So many things started to surface that I legit never thought bothered me but as I started to process deeper, longer, and be real with myself I found that I have been in denial for many years. I have made it seem like what everyone else wanted was okay and that my feelings did not matter ...

Hey hey hey..... It's been so long since I sat down and wrote in this blog of mine. But this quarantine has been no joke; like literally no freaking joke.. I have been battling many thoughts, feelings, emotions, and even I have been trying to figure out whats going on in my own space and around me that I have really not been in that place of sharing my experiences. I honestly feel myself shutting down because life, man, life has been something. I guess with all happening in the world with #BlackLivesMatter I have been avoiding how much my life matters. I mean truthfully, I have been drowning in so much that I literally forgot I truly have a lot messing with my mental. Now the question is: Where do I begin? Well here goes nothing.... I have been dealing with so much on my mental. It's like I forgot how to process things so that I do not know when I am coming or going most days. I feel that in this time in my life I have been hanging on by a thread to whatever I can. ...

Being in the house, you seem to think about everything and you start notice different things. I feel this pandemic has shown me a lot about people, Faith, and just life. You see your circumstances and what you are facing, then you look around and notice that you are the one ALWAYS reaching out and no one is reaching out to you. In some cases you make exceptions because some people are facing things that they never reveal. But then there are those "FRIENDS" that literally only text when you text and you wonder whats really up.. Like are we really friends or are we just friends when we are around each other? I guess because of everything I have been through I find it very easy now to fall back from people when they start to move funny. I am never hard up for people because I am starting to think if you fall off then it's because you were not supposed to be around in the first place. Then I am seeing that all the "God got you" "Just call on the Lord" ...

So the world is going through a pandemic and it's been really crazy all around all of us. During this time a lot of people are facing many different challenges from Mental, Financial, and Grief. But yet people are still not following the guidelines being set for social distancing.. I think people do not realize that even though this may not affect them directly it is affecting many people. I want to be real candid today and open up about things I normally do not because I want people to really get why this pandemic is not a joke for the world. So I am a military spouse, military is essential and they get no days off from putting their lives at risk for the well-being of others. But you see my spouse is auto-immune compromised and if someone who is sick with the smallest of things, my wife will be down for the count. So you could imagine how much I worry about her being exposed to this virus because it could change my life for the worst. We have an 8 month old child that I do no...