My Journey #LivingWhileSurvivingLife

It's a New Year!!! Omg it's 2023 and I must say 2022 was a TOUGH chapter, but I really learned a lot. Now the real work continues (because truthfully it never stops), I have so many things that I am wanting to manifest this year and I am going to take y'all on the journey with me.  I must say that I am really excited about this next chapter of my life, I have so many great things happening for me this year that I am READY for the world to see. I feel that for so long I have been looking at the world from one side of the coin instead of looking at the fact that the coin has two sides.  You know most people only see the negative in the world and I am not going to lie I was one of those people. I mean I saw all this darkness around me, thought there was no good, fell into my depression often, and I also allowed everything negative to make me give up on everything that I wanted and was working towards. I literally fell short on things that I should not have because I allowed on...

 It's been awhile since I sat down and just wrote... I guess life seem to have taken over in the past few months and I mean took over lol. So I have so much to update on, talk about, and even make clear about what is to come in this next chapter of life.  You know I started this blog just to write out my thoughts and discuss what is going on, plus how I handle most things as I am #SurvivingLife; but lately there has been so much more to this thing called life that I want to discuss. This safe space is about to go deeper into my healing and seeing the positive that I seem not to discuss to often, because if I am honest life has a positive and negative side; we cannot always focus on the negative if we want to continue to grow.  Well.... here goes what's new.... So it's been about 5 months since I have discussed anything on here and I feel that it's because I truly flipped out this past summer mentally. I was drowning and I could not figure out why, my friendships started...

I have been really thinking more and more about my mental state; I find that when it comes to talking about my feelings I shut down. Being vulnerable is not something that is easy for me, but if I am honest I have some real things in my mental that I need to truly let out. I know at one point and time I have talked about some feelings dealing with some issues in my life, but now I see that I have to go deeper than all that. Most say that I need to write more privately but I feel that what I am dealing with and my processing can help others so this is why I share so much. With that being said, I am about to talk about some things that I have never really discussed because I feel like things are tormenting me mentally and it's time to release it. I do not see myself the way everyone sees me, I really do not see this person everyone says I am. I tear myself down all the time from the beginning of my day until the end of my day. I overthink everything, fear failure, and I even second g...

So it's been a minute since I have wrote anything in this blog and today I think it's time to write because my mental is overloaded; I guess it's time to release. Let me be transparent here, this will be a dump of so many events and emotions that I think I never really processed or expressed. I have been in a mental state for sometime but I have never really thought about how bad it was until recently because I think I like to deny how I am honestly feeling. I have been facing many different moments and lessons over again that I probably did not learn from the first time, but now I think I am learning a lot and I'm over the lessons. But here goes some transparency on another level... So I know that I touched on somethings in passing that I have been dealing with lately but I have not be going in depth about my mental; I have been really having challenging times mentally and I really do not know how to handle it at times. Yes, life happens and things go on that you canno...

It's been so long since I have been in this blog of mine and just wrote out my thoughts and feelings. Life has been going and going; sometimes its going good and sometimes life throws crazy curve balls. I mean I have realized that I have come a long way but unfortunately sometimes your emotions will cause your mental to want to go backwards. So my shift happened back in May, I mean Mother's Day weekend to be exact. My aunt passed away and I lost my job; then to top it off I ended up getting a C+ in one of my Master's classes that I needed to make an A in because of my GPA already being low. So like the saying says "When it rains, it pours"; but I must say that I have not been defeated, I have been down though.  I have been really proud of myself lately being able to not allow situations or circumstances to get me out of character. I also started the process of doing something that I have really wanted to do in life and that's teach. I have been studying like c...

So I am back to continue this conversation about my Trauma Healing and how lately I have noticed so much just from the passing of my aunt. It's so crazy how I have believed that I was being haunted by my past trauma but truthfully through this healing I have realized that I really have been running from ME; like I am really allowing FEAR to overtake my life.  Fear will be something big that I talk about because it has crippled me from doing a lot of things in my life that I have really wanted; especially some of my biggest dreams. I am just now stepping out on FAITH and doing things that when I was 16 I wrote about in my journal. It's crazy how a lot of things are coming back full circle in this moment, but one thing I can say is I am grateful.  Let me tell y'all something about me, I have had a terrible fear of dead bodies most of my life; like I cannot stand seeing a body in a casket, so basically I do not like attending funerals. Well I told y'all my aunt died and wi...

Lately, I have been in this place where I do not know if I am really healing or if I have become numb because of all that has been going on and has gone on in my life recently. I have been facing so many things and now I am trying to process it all so I can keep moving forward. I have noticed so much about me, my mindset, and I have really evolved a lot in the last few years, even months. I have taken a lot of blows in life, and some hit me harder than others but right now I think the real thing is I am noticing that my trauma is no longer controlling my thought process or how I am feeling about the things I have going on around me. I have been really tested lately, especially when it comes to grieving and even my reaction to things when they come my way. It's really funny to me because I will emotionally still have a reaction that is of my old mindset, but I literally will react in a manner that is unlike how I use to.  I feel as though because I have gone in and started to really...