My Journey #LivingWhileSurvivingLife

If you read the title you know exactly where my head has been for the past few days, well actually weeks. I have been in a space that has been hella dark and I did not know if I was going to make it out alive. This might be one blog, that will give insight into why I started doing the blogs in the first place. So I had been on a downward slope for some time and I was really trying not to get into that depress state of mind but I find that when I avoid my feelings and what I am dealing with my depression will hit me like an eighteen wheeler. I have no way of survival from the ultimate depressive state that came my way. I am about to explain everything that went on from beginning to now, so here goes some transparency. I had just come home from my sorority trip, and I was truly on a high because I had a lot of fun with my sisters. But what I did not know is that soon after that I would be hit with somethings that would cause my mental to be drained and I would want to give up on everythi...

 I feel so back in my element with writing in this blog again, because I have missed writing out my thoughts and emotions. But I guess it's been hard to find the time to do that with being a mom, working, school, and dealing with my mental health. Yes I said dealing with my Mental Health, I have been on a roller coaster ride of emotions truthfully, for the last year and I think now is the time to just let it all out. I mean I do not know if you guys are ready for this unload but here it goes. Here we go: So as all know I moved back to Houston in October 2020 and I have been really trying to focus on getting my things together for me and my daughter. I have been in school and doing what I need to do so that I can say a float but MAN.. did I forget how hard it is to maintain my mental health while functioning through life.  I completely lost myself in so many things around me that I am now finding me and I am getting back to what I do best; WRITE! I feel that when I go through I...

 Well as you can see from the title of this you already know what I am about to talk about. I know it's been a while and I truly have not been on here like I should, but life has had me all over the place lately. I will have to update on life in another blog, but let me address this topic first. This week has been an emotional one not just because of what the title says, but because this is also the week 3 years ago that I conceived my angel baby, Emersyn Rose Mahoney. Just emotions everywhere right?! But now let me get to the real stuff because I have so many thoughts to get off my chest when it comes to this topic at hand. I finally filed for my divorce, I mean, it's been a year in the making because for some that are not new to my blog you know that I have been separated from my soon to be ex wife since October of last year. We have been through so many ups and downs on this journey to filing for our divorce that I truly feel has been building up to the biggest emotional bre...

Well it's been forever since I have done this, and I mean really just wrote something out that is in my head. But I have been so heavy and feeling broken that I finally mustered up the energy just to be honest with myself that I needed to blog my way through this.  Yes, I know it's been forever and I have so much that is on me that lately all I can do or even feel like doing is crying. I have so many great things happening but Im literally just exhausted and do not have the energy to even celebrate me. But let's get into what's really going on.... So I have moved back to Houston staying with my mother, still currently going through a divorce. That truthfully has not been easy; like having a person you have been with for years tear you down because they are not happy with their choices in life hard. I am literally dealing with someone that on one day will praise me/show appreciation; then on the next day act like I am the worst person walking this earth. I must tell you ...

 I was asked the most interesting question recently and it was "Do you feel guilty, ashamed, or what are your feelings about your life right now?" I honestly had to think about it and when I did, I just was like, "I am at peace"; funny thing is I did not think I was at peace with my life and my circumstances because I am still facing new challenges each day, but I am honestly do have inner peace. You see, I have cried about my circumstance, I have asked so many questions, I have gotten really angry, but now I have reached this place of peace because I have found me.  Over the years, I have lost myself in all the things going on in my life, I lost my desire to want to be creative, to sing, and to do all the things that I love. I am the biggest nerd you would ever meet because I love to read books about any and everything, I like to sit outside and enjoy nature, I love to listen to all types of music, dance around being silly, and lastly I love to be creative. But wit...

 So it's been awhile since I have posted on this site and it has been so much going on. I know that I really should have been releasing some of this built up hurt. It's hard sometimes when you are surviving your world around you that you forget to actually try to heal or release in the process. I have been through a lot of changes in my life and some changes that I am still going through at this moment. But there has been some hurts that I have noticed I need to release to finally put a nail or two in the coffin that is my past.  So tomorrow would be my wedding anniversary and I would be celebrating 4 years and also 13 years off and on with this one person; a place of complacency and what I thought was my comfort. So you can imagine that lately my mind has been all over the place; but I think yesterday I hit my breaking point and I mean the place where I finally realize that I DESERVE all the great things that are happening to me right now.  For so many years, I honestly ...

People run from the truth, there is many different versions/types of truth; and in life we experience all of them. We learn in our different walks of life how the truth is powerful, but also something that we as people fear to face. We actually will run from the truth and build a non-existent reality so that we can keep moving like everything is fine even when at times it may not be.  Truth is something that is freeing, helps you move forward, and also brings you to a better understanding of self and those around you. So why do we avoid it? Because it most cases we like to not know the truth so we can live in denial; well honestly, I am not one of those people lately. I have been healing and owning things about myself, my life, and my situations; I decided that I no longer want to live in the imaginary world, but in reality where I can continue to evolve and grow.  Many may not know this but my birthday is coming up on September 6, and truthfully I am not excited; I know that ...