My Journey #LivingWhileSurvivingLife

 It's been awhile since I sat down and just wrote... I guess life seem to have taken over in the past few months and I mean took over lol. So I have so much to update on, talk about, and even make clear about what is to come in this next chapter of life.  You know I started this blog just to write out my thoughts and discuss what is going on, plus how I handle most things as I am #SurvivingLife; but lately there has been so much more to this thing called life that I want to discuss. This safe space is about to go deeper into my healing and seeing the positive that I seem not to discuss to often, because if I am honest life has a positive and negative side; we cannot always focus on the negative if we want to continue to grow.  Well.... here goes what's new.... So it's been about 5 months since I have discussed anything on here and I feel that it's because I truly flipped out this past summer mentally. I was drowning and I could not figure out why, my friendships started...

I have been really thinking more and more about my mental state; I find that when it comes to talking about my feelings I shut down. Being vulnerable is not something that is easy for me, but if I am honest I have some real things in my mental that I need to truly let out. I know at one point and time I have talked about some feelings dealing with some issues in my life, but now I see that I have to go deeper than all that. Most say that I need to write more privately but I feel that what I am dealing with and my processing can help others so this is why I share so much. With that being said, I am about to talk about some things that I have never really discussed because I feel like things are tormenting me mentally and it's time to release it. I do not see myself the way everyone sees me, I really do not see this person everyone says I am. I tear myself down all the time from the beginning of my day until the end of my day. I overthink everything, fear failure, and I even second g...

So it's been a minute since I have wrote anything in this blog and today I think it's time to write because my mental is overloaded; I guess it's time to release. Let me be transparent here, this will be a dump of so many events and emotions that I think I never really processed or expressed. I have been in a mental state for sometime but I have never really thought about how bad it was until recently because I think I like to deny how I am honestly feeling. I have been facing many different moments and lessons over again that I probably did not learn from the first time, but now I think I am learning a lot and I'm over the lessons. But here goes some transparency on another level... So I know that I touched on somethings in passing that I have been dealing with lately but I have not be going in depth about my mental; I have been really having challenging times mentally and I really do not know how to handle it at times. Yes, life happens and things go on that you canno...

It's been so long since I have been in this blog of mine and just wrote out my thoughts and feelings. Life has been going and going; sometimes its going good and sometimes life throws crazy curve balls. I mean I have realized that I have come a long way but unfortunately sometimes your emotions will cause your mental to want to go backwards. So my shift happened back in May, I mean Mother's Day weekend to be exact. My aunt passed away and I lost my job; then to top it off I ended up getting a C+ in one of my Master's classes that I needed to make an A in because of my GPA already being low. So like the saying says "When it rains, it pours"; but I must say that I have not been defeated, I have been down though.  I have been really proud of myself lately being able to not allow situations or circumstances to get me out of character. I also started the process of doing something that I have really wanted to do in life and that's teach. I have been studying like c...

So I am back to continue this conversation about my Trauma Healing and how lately I have noticed so much just from the passing of my aunt. It's so crazy how I have believed that I was being haunted by my past trauma but truthfully through this healing I have realized that I really have been running from ME; like I am really allowing FEAR to overtake my life.  Fear will be something big that I talk about because it has crippled me from doing a lot of things in my life that I have really wanted; especially some of my biggest dreams. I am just now stepping out on FAITH and doing things that when I was 16 I wrote about in my journal. It's crazy how a lot of things are coming back full circle in this moment, but one thing I can say is I am grateful.  Let me tell y'all something about me, I have had a terrible fear of dead bodies most of my life; like I cannot stand seeing a body in a casket, so basically I do not like attending funerals. Well I told y'all my aunt died and wi...

Lately, I have been in this place where I do not know if I am really healing or if I have become numb because of all that has been going on and has gone on in my life recently. I have been facing so many things and now I am trying to process it all so I can keep moving forward. I have noticed so much about me, my mindset, and I have really evolved a lot in the last few years, even months. I have taken a lot of blows in life, and some hit me harder than others but right now I think the real thing is I am noticing that my trauma is no longer controlling my thought process or how I am feeling about the things I have going on around me. I have been really tested lately, especially when it comes to grieving and even my reaction to things when they come my way. It's really funny to me because I will emotionally still have a reaction that is of my old mindset, but I literally will react in a manner that is unlike how I use to.  I feel as though because I have gone in and started to really...

I realized that over the years I have allowed people to say that I am important but not really show me that I am important. It was like I was building one sided friendships and one sided relationships period with people, that now when people match or double my energy I do not know how to handle or take it.  Like I know everyone has lives and most people are busy very often, but I refuse to believe that you do not have time just to check in on someone or even just say hello. A simple text message goes a long way for some people because communication is key and that means you are showing them they were thought of; so many people take these things for granted, but wonder why people sometimes will back away from them in general you know.  For me, I have given a lot of me to people show them their importance in my life and how much I care of them, just for me to not get that in return and then get mad at me if I start to match their energy. It's like I have to text you all the time...